


She Burns like Petrol Soaked Paper & Fireworks

by eluigih



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Loss of Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:09:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8618350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eluigih/pseuds/eluigih
Summary: Lexa's had a crush on Clarke for as long as she can remember, with the help of an impromptu school trip and a little push from Anya, she finally plucks up the courage to make a move.





	1. In a Burning Room

“You can ask as many times as you like, I’m not going.” Lexa huffs out, hoping the certainty in her voice will deter Anya from actually asking again and she can finally get back to studying.

 

Anya shoves the stack of books Lexa has stacked up and unceremoniously drops down in the free seat next to her best friend. “Seriously, what are you going to be doing instead?”

 

Lexa glances up only to be greeted with Anya’s knowing stare, they both know what she has planned; copious amounts of reading and countless hours of studying sandwiched in between her shifts at the local coffee shop. It’s how she always spends the break, determined to maintain focus on her school work and unwavering study routine.

 

The lack of response from the brunette is enough confirmation for Anya, who lets out a defeated sigh and shuffles closer to Lexa, “Look, this is our last year and lord knows how serious you’re going to be at university. Just this once put down the books and live a little” she pleads 

 

Lexa can’t think of anything worse than embarking on a trip with the rest their classmates, especially when there is a big biology exam scheduled just a few days after break, “Anya, I—”

 

Anya senses the impending rejection and cuts Lexa off before she has the chance to utter some feeble excuse, no doubt concerning her grades and how she has to maintain focus if she wants to get into her first choice university.

 

All too aware that this her last shot at persuading Lexa to join her for the trip, Anya utters the three words she knows will undoubtedly change Lexa’s mind, “Clarke is going.”

 

Yeah, that gets Lexa attention, Anya lets out a soft chuckle as Lexa attempts to mould her expression back to one of indifference and gives a small shrug.

 

“And I should care because?”

 

The statement does nothing to dissuade Anya, she gives Lexa a pointed stare to let her know just how unsuccessful her valiant attempt at deflection was and then follows it up with an honest to god grin, “Because… You’re practically in love with her.”

 

“I don’t even know her,” Lexa replies annoyance lacing her words.

 

Anya pushes on, not willing to let Lexa off the hook so easily. “You had chemistry together last year”

 

“Ah yes, a shimmering moment in my otherwise uneventful life”    

 

Anya’s been friends with Lexa long enough to be able to pinpoint the sarcasm as an obvious attempt to mask her true feelings. “You wouldn't stop talking about her for _months.”_ Anya pauses before trying her best to mimic Lexa as recalls their numerous conversations about the popular blonde, _“God Anya, she’s so smart… How does someone look that good at that time on a Monday morning… She actually looked at me today, eye contact and everything, she might have even smiled at me”_

 

Lexa has never regretted telling Anya something so much in her life and she tells her _everything_. “Okay, I get it, Anya,” Lexa turns her attention back to her half-read book, hoping the familiar weight of the pages will somehow shield her from the pang of disappointment she feels when she thinks about her inability to hold an actual conversation with the blonde. “ _She_ has no idea who _I_ am.”

 

Anya shifts in her seat, gently nudging Lexa with her elbow “Well, maybe this trip could be exactly what you need… you know… you, Clarke, an overwhelming amount of alcohol and your supreme charm. How could she _not_ want to get to know you?”

 

A breathy chuckle escapes Lexa’s lips, “Supreme charm, really?”

 

“What? All that reading and you’re telling me you can’t string a few a sentences together to woo a girl?”

 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

 

That kind of surprises Anya, I mean yeah Lexa has always been kind of shy but she’s always been so sure of herself and if Anya is being honest, she has a face that would make pretty much everyone swoon. “Well, not anymore, I’m officially offering my services, you’ll be a pro in no time.”

 

“As appealing as that sounds, I’m regretfully going to have to decline your generous offer.” Lexa deadpans

 

Anya clutches her chest in anguish, “I’m actually offended… I’ll have you know my ability to woo a girl is second to none.” 

 

“I have no doubt.” Lexa drawls clearly not convinced

 

“So the trip, you in?”

 

Lexa lets out a heavy sigh, silently cursing Anya for playing the one card they both know she’d have trouble turning down “Clarke is going to be there? You're sure of it?”

 

“Yep, overheard her talking about how excited she was less than an hour ago.”

 

“Fine, I’ll go but I’m bringing some stuff to study as well.”

 

Anya lets out an uncharacteristic squeal and crushes Lexa with an overbearing hug.

 

Lexa is slightly stunned at the rare display of affection and takes a second to return the overly enthusiastic hug.

 

Pulling back and withdrawing from the embrace, Anya clears her throat in an attempt to regain her usual composure, “Err… right, so I’ll let you get back to that book, even though I know for a fact you’ve read it twice already and it’s not even _required_ reading… I’ll see you at lunch.”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes as she watches Anya’s awkward retreating form, stumbling as she backs out of the library, “You can never be too familiar with a text and there's nothing wrong with expanding the seriously limited recommended reading list that we get.”

**______________**

 

 

“Clarke, are you sure you want to go on this trip?” Abby asks handing her an empty suitcase that she’d fished out of storage.

 

It had taken way too long for Clarke to convince her Mom into reluctantly letting her go on the school trip, days of pleading and Clarke stressing that this was her last chance to spend time with her friends before they all went off in different directions for university and life in general.

Opening the suitcase, Clarke starts to pack the clothes that were already folded and stacked on her bed. “I’m sure Mom, it’s just a week remember, I’ll be back before you know it.”

 

Abby sighs taking a seat next to Clarke’s now half full suitcase, “I’m sorry honey, I just worry, I don't think I’ve ever spent an entire week apart from you.”

 

Clarke understands, she does. Knows how lucky she is to have a Mom that worries and frets over the tiny details of her life, even if it can be annoying at times.

 

She drops down next Abby, shoulders touching, “Don’t worry I can take care of myself and you’ve already made Raven promise to not let me do anything stupid and when has she ever let you down?” That manages to get a chuckle out of Abby, who visibly relaxes at Clarke’s words. “You know most parents would be overjoyed at the prospect of shipping their teenage daughter off for the week, the promise of peace and quiet and all.”

 

Abby hums “I guess I’m not most parents.”

 

“I guess not.”

 

The moment doesn't last long as Raven comes barrelling into the room, “You finished packing y—” She stops short, suddenly realising that she’s interrupted something, “Sorry. I can wait outside.” She says gesturing towards the now open door.

 

Abby lifts herself up, catching Raven before she can reach the door, “No it’s fine, we’re just saying goodbye, packing is almost finished.”

 

Raven can practically see the pain in Abby’s expression as she glances back Clarke. She knows how difficult it was for Abby to let Clarke go, especially after Jake’s passing three years ago and she had offered some very heavy promises to ensure Clarke’s safety in order to sway Abby’s decision. “You won’t even notice we’re gone, Abby.”

 

“I highly doubt that Raven.” Abby pulls Raven into a tight embrace, holding on for a second longer than necessary.

 

Raven is ultimately unfazed by the clear emotion evident in the hug, she's become use to this from Abby over the years, she may as well move in with how often she stays with the Griffith’s. Honestly, it felt more like home than her actual home. In fact, she’s pretty sure that her Mom doesn’t even know that she’s going on a school trip, not that she’d protest against Raven attending.

 

Abby withdraws from Raven’s arms, stepping back to look at the teenagers, “You two take care of yourselves, okay?”

 

“We will.” The pair responded in unison

 

“I mean it.” Abby replies sternly, pointing her index finger at the pair “and I don’t want to hear any stories about wild parties or drunken adventures.”

 

“You got it… You won’t hear anything.”

 

Abby just chuckles as she exits the room, leaving the girls to themselves.

 

**______________**

 

“How have you already packed? You only decided you were going yesterday.” Anya asked in disbelief

 

“I like to be prepared, I hate leaving things to the last minute you know that… The real question is how have you not finished packing? You've been planning on going for weeks… We’re leaving in a couple of hours.”

 

Anya shakes her head at the disapproval in Lexa’s tone, “Some of us just get by without planning things. Sorry, I’m not writing myself little reminders on my phone like you… I guess I’ll be forever striving to reach the heights of the great Lexa Woods.” Anya answers dramatically 

 

Lexa hurls a pair of shorts towards Anya, taking great pleasure from the whine Anya makes when they collide with her face, “You want help or not?”

 

Anya shrugs “You do have a gift for folding things.” 

 

“If there’s one thing I envisioned mastering as a child, it was the art of folding. Who knew all it would take was practice and an unbridled desire to free apparel from the evil clutches of unwanted creases.”

 

Anya tools her eyes at the sarcasm but continues to play along, “I don’t doubt it, let me know when you’re going to sell this inspiring story of yours to the world, I’d like to cash in.”

 

They work together to pack the rest of Anya things, Lexa double checking the contents to make sure Anya hasn't left any necessities behind.

 

“Not that I need to ask but did you manage to look over the plans for the trip?”

 

Lexa nods her head in confirmation, “It looks like a great volunteer project and I mean working alongside local builders to improve the standard of schools is going to look great on my university application.”

 

“Of course that’s the bit you're focusing on, I meant have you seen the _extracurriculars_ that we have planned?”

 

“Extracurriculars?” Lexa asks obviously confused

 

“Parties Lexa! I was promised alcohol and minimal supervision, it’s going to be great.”

 

“Wait so the only reason you volunteered was so that you can live up in a foreign country for a week?”

 

“You’re damn right!”

 

Lexa shoves lightly at Anya’s shoulder “I’m not even surprised, do you even know where we’re going?”

 

“As if I’d jump on a plane without knowing the destination” Anya takes a brief pause and decides now is the perfect time to tease Lexa about her moderate fear of flying and her voice adopts a more serious tone, “speaking of which I know how much you hate flying, I’ve decided to take one for the team and hold your hand for the duration, since it’s such a long flight to Tanzania.”

 

Lexa gives Anya’s shoulder a notably stronger shove this time, “The only thing taxing about this flight is the hours I’ll have to sit next to you.”

 

**______________**

 

The first day of volunteering was definitely more work than Anya had anticipated, she was exhausted. She glances across the room and spots Lexa casually doing a set of push-ups, “How have you even got the energy to do that? I feel like I need a twelve-hour nap just to recover from all that lifting.”

 

Lexa quickly finishes off her set, rolling onto her side to see Anya sprawled across the bed. “So I guess you’ll be skipping that boat party tonight then?” 

 

Anya shoots up to stare at Lexa, “Oh we’re going and so help me, you are actually going to talk to Clarke!” She lets her gaze linger, hoping Lexa takes note of how serious she actually is about the whole thing.

 

“We talked today” Lexa replies defensively

 

“One timid ‘hey’ and then blatantly checking her out all day, does not count as a conversation,” Anya argues

 

“Oh god, was I that obvious?” Lexa asks covering her face to hide the impending blush from her friend, “Do you think she noticed.”

A smirk breaks out across Anya’s face “You may as well have tapped her on the shoulder and said _‘nice ass’_ she definitely noticed, subtlety is surprisingly not your forte.”

 

The brunette drops her head in her hands and groans, not sure if she even wants to show her face at the party now. The last thing she wants is Clarke thinking she’s some creep who can’t stop leering at her.

 

Sensing her friend's inner turmoil Anya decide to take pity on Lexa and alleviate some of her embarrassment. “Relax, she was totally checking you out too.”

 

Lexa slowly lifts her head, unsure if she heard that bit right, “She was?” 

 

“Yeah… Now get dressed, we’ve got a party to attend and girls to impress.”

 

Lexa has never spent so long picking out an outfit in her life, suddenly unsure if what she usually wears will be enough. She finally settles on a pair of tight black jeans and a simple shirt.

 

Anya gives an approving nod “You ready to go?” 

 

Lexa gives herself one last look over in the mirror and throws her bag on her shoulder, “All set.”

 

**______________**

 

“Raven, I don’t think I have the energy for this,” Clarke sighs as she drops down on her bed

 

Before she has the chance to close her eyes and even think about a quick nap, Raven’s practically dragging her to her feet, “Oh, no you don’t. There’s no way you’re tired, _you_ barely did any work today, spent your day staring at some chick I’ve never even seen before.”

 

Clarke manages to swat Raven away, “You mean Lexa? She’s in like half of your classes and I was not staring.”

 

Realisation hits Raven at the mention of the girl's name, “That’s Lexa?”

 

Clarke hesitates in her reply, sensing she’s not going to like where this is going, “Yeah, you remember her now?”

 

Raven smirks, full and wide, “as if I could forget the name of girl you wouldn't shut up about all of last year,” she clears her throat preparing her stellar Clarke impression, _“Raven, she’s funny, like a quiet funny but funny and when she smiles at me I swear—”_

 

Clarke jumps at the chance to interrupt, Raven’s lovesick puppy expression becoming too much, “I was not that bad and I do not sound like that.”  

 

“I had to tutor you because you spent one too many lessons staring at the back of her head,” Raven deadpans, clearly unimpressed with the blonde’s level of denial.

 

“So the party?” Clarke says, hopeful for a change in topic

 

“That’s the spirit, Griffin, with any luck your little crush will be there and you’ll actually do something about it, put a stop to all this pining.”

 

“I doubt it, I don't think she’s really the party type”

 

“I wouldn't be so sure about that. I was speaking to her friend, her very attractive friend,” she adds with a wink, “she may have mentioned something about them going.”

 

“Really?” Clarke is almost embarrassment at the excitement laced in her tone but she’d be lying to herself if she said she wasn't looking forward to seeing the brunette.

 

“Yep,” Raven’s already rummaging through her unpacked suitcase for something to wear, “now get dressed, we have ladies to impress.”

 

**______________**

 

 

Lexa holds out for about 10 seconds before searching for Clarke in the crowd, eager to find her before the night is in full swing, much preferring to talk to her with a clear and fully functioning mind and she doesn't think that will be the case in a couple of hours, if Anya gets her wish, anyway.

 

She lets out a frustrated sigh after another futile search and is mentally preparing her scolding speech about how unfair it was Anya to lie to her, for the sole purpose of dragging her to some god awful party. 

 

Anya must have some kind of radar for an agitated Lexa, because when Lexa turns to give her friend a piece of her mind she’s nowhere to be found.

 

She grabs her drink and shuffles through the crowd, fighting her way to the outer deck, she figures if she’s going to sulk the least she can do is enjoy the view while nursing her drink.

 

She takes a couple of sips when she feels a light tap on her shoulder from behind.

 

“Not a big fan of parties?”

 

Lexa face lights up as she turns to see Clarke smiling at her, “Is it that obvious?”

 

Clarke shrugs and moves to lean against the railing alongside Lexa, nodding in head to the right so Lexa’s eyes will follow, “Looks like our friends are hitting it off.”

 

The student shakes her head when catches a glimpse of Anya with her tongue down some girls throat, typical, “Quite well, I’d say.”

 

Clarke turns her attention away from Raven and focuses her efforts back on Lexa, “I didn't expect to see you here if I’m honest.”

 

Lexa not the least bit surprised that her presence in unexpected, she is, however, surprised to hear that Clarke was thinking of her, “Anya made an admiral pitch and I couldn't turn it down”

“Any selling points I should know about?” Clarke asks smirk spread across her face. She’d had the chance to speak to Anya a little earlier when she was playing the role of world’s best wing-woman, scurrying off when her mission was accomplished.

 

Lexa blushes under Clarke’s gaze, praying the blonde doesn't know the only reason she came in the first place was to see her, she's spared from making any semblance of an answer when Clarke takes a caution step towards her and continues to speak.

 

“I think it’s only fair that you know, Anya likes to share after she’s had a drink.”

 

Lexa shuts her eyes, silently cursing Anya and willing the blush on her cheeks to fade

 

Clarke lets out a soft chuckle as she watches the reaction in front of her, she waits a couple of seconds before deciding to take pity on the brunette and offer up an admission of her own, “If it makes you feel any better, Raven made a distinctly similar pitch.”

 

That causes Lexa’s eyes to snap open, pupils searching for any signs of deception on the blonde’s face, “Really?”

 

Clarke eyes are fixed on Lexa’s before briefly dropping to her lips, “Really.”

 

Lexa’s gaze flickers down towards the blonde’s soft lips, the temptation to lean in overwhelming with Clarke standing so close.

 

“Just kiss her already!”

 

Clarke and Lexa jump apart and groan at the sound of both Raven and Anya taking a pause from each other to bark at them.

 

Clarke feels the mood shift at the interruption and reaches out to take Lexa’s hand in hers, “You want to get out of here?”

 

Lexa nods wordlessly as she lets Clarke's hand guide her through the crowd, passing a smug looking Anya on the way.

 

**______________**

 

The two end up supine on a nearby beach, relishing the feel of sand against their backs and light conversation but it's ephemeral. The sudden light drizzle putting an early end to their beach stay.

 

Lexa is the first to react, jumping to her feet at the slightest touch of rain and encourages Clarke to do the same.

 

Lexa entwines their fingers together as they make the short walk back to the hotel.

 

Clarke steps are slower than usual, not wanting their night to come to an end anytime soon. She’s spent more time with Lexa tonight than the entirety of their school years and it’s done nothing but reaffirm that should have spoken to her sooner.

 

Lexa is equally apprehensive about their night ending, she’s learnt so much about Clarke and it’s not enough, she wants more, she needs more.

 

Clarke gives Lexa’s hand a light squeeze and flashing a shy smile, pulling the brunette from her thoughts.

 

Lexa’s returning smile drops a little when she realises that they're actually in front of Clarke’s room now, her gaze downcast not quite knowing what to say and shyness winning out.

Clarke catches Lexa’s eyes, moving her finger under the brunette’s chin and drawing her upwards, “I had a really nice time tonight.”

 

A smile stretches across Lexa’s face, wide, bright and unfamiliar, “Me too.” 

 

Clarke feels a flutter in her stomach at the sight, she very much likes being the cause of that smile. Before she can talk herself out it, she leans in, lips pressing against Lexa’s in a gentle kiss and pulls back, “Goodnight, Lexa.”

 

Lexa’s eyes flit open, dazed, “Goodnight, Clarke.” 

 

She keeps her eyes on Clarke waiting for the blonde to retreat into her room before running her fingers over her recently kissed lips, still buzzing with the sensation. She strolls back to her room, a smile etched onto her face.

 

She can’t help but think that it’s going to be a good week


	2. Show Me, What It Means to be Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa navigate their way through the rest of volunteering

“You missed out last night, Lex. The party really went up a gear after you left,” Anya croaks out, shielding her eyes as her friend draws the curtains open without warning. 

 

Lexa takes one look at Anya’s clearly hungover state and doesn't hold back her laugh as her friend tries and fails to avoid the incoming light, “Sounds like I jumped ship at just the right time.” She takes a couple of steps forward in an attempt to coax Anya out from under the covers, “What time did you even get back?”

 

Anya sighs admitting defeat against the encroaching daylight, “Late, well actually I suppose it was more an early, you were already out for the count.”

 

“I thought about waiting up, but after seeing you with Clarke’s friend I figured you’d be having a long night.”

 

“Yeah, like I said I had a good night.”

 

 Anya smirks like there’s a lot more to the story than just a typical good night, but Lexa definitely doesn't feel like investigating that. It’s always been more of a _give and take_ thing with them and she knows to get any details about Anya’s night, she’ll have to give a play by play of her night with Clarke. 

 

She tries to avoid giving Anya any ammunition and hearing her gush about how Clarke’s lips felt against hers or just gushing about Clarke, in general, will provide Anya with a lifetime supply.

 

Lexa hums in acknowledgement, “Sounds like it, you want to go for breakfast? You look like you could do with some food.”

 

Anya eyes the change of topic suspiciously, she’s no fool and is well versed in Lexa’s stalling techniques. Unfortunately, Lexa is also aware of her only weakness, _food._

 

“Fine, but don't think you're off the hook, I want to hear about your night with blondie,” Anya says, as she stumbles around the room to get ready, “food first, though.”

 

**______________**

 

The second day of volunteering is even more arduous than the first, although that may have more to do with Raven’s tender state than the amount of work actually involved. 

 

“Clarke, you’re going to have to take some time off from trading with glances with Lexa and take over here, I need a break,” Raven grumbles as she tenderly rubs her temples.

 

Clarke doesn't even get the chance to offer a retort about her multitasking capabilities before Raven’s striding towards Anya and leaving her to move the remaining bricks by herself, “Hey, you can’t just leave, these are heavy and there’s still loads left.”

 

“We’re officially switching partners,” Clarke turns to ask Raven what the hell she’s talking about when she sees Anya give Lexa a light shove in her direction.

 

An involuntary smile breaks out across her face as their eyes connect, “Hey.”

 

“Hey, I heard you could use a hand,” Lexa states as her eyes drift from Clarke to the small pile of bricks by her side.

 

“I could use your hands,” Clarke blurts it out before she has a chance to really process what she’s saying, her shoots up to cover her mouth, desperately trying to claw back the words, “ _Oh, god_ , that came out wrong… I mean, yes, I could use your help… your hands could be of assistance with the task”

 

Lexa laughs, it’s the first time she’s seen the blonde this flustered and it’s a sight for sore eyes, it’s a nice change of pace. Clarke’s usually so well put together and calm around Lexa. Lexa can help but find a flustered Clarke endearing, even more so when she realises she’s the reason the blonde is currently stuttering over her words.

 

“They’re skilled hands, don’t worry, we’ll be done in no time,” Lexa winks, basking in her new found confidence and the crimson colour of Clarke's cheeks.

 

Clarke shameless watches Lexa as she makes a start in moving the little bits of rubble and debris from the ground and into the waste bags. In her defence, it would a take a strong woman to remove their gaze from Lexa’s strained face as her muscles flex under the weight.

 

_Clarke’s never been so weak_

 

They unsurprisingly finish well before Anya and Raven, taking pity on their respective friends and offer their services to speed the process along.

 

They part ways with Anya and Raven claiming they both need at least a 3-hour nap to survive the rest of day and it’ll be infinitely more practical if they nap together in Raven’s room.

 

The goodbyes are fleeting and neither really get the just to question the plausibility of them napping together.

 

“Looks like it’s just you and me for the rest of the day”

 

Lexa beams at the thought of spending more time alone with Clarke, “Anything in mind?”

 

Clarke’s expression is clouded with mischief when she replies, “Maybe”  

 

The smile on Clarke’s face is practically contagious and Lexa’s pretty sure she’d go along with whatever Clarke has planned.

 

It’s a dangerous thought, Lexa’s isn't used to her actions being influenced so strongly by others, she always been more of a loner, she’s always found more comfort in the pages of a well-read book than the presence of others.

 

But there's something about Clarke, something that makes her want to throw caution to the wind, something that makes her want to follow the steady thump of her heart.

 

Something that makes her disregard that niggling in the back of her mind that tells her that this moment is fleeting and Clarke’s feeling will ultimately fade they fall back into their usual routines. 

 

She’s drawn to Clarke, enchanted even and she has been since she watched the blonde expertly calculate the standard enthalpy of formation of liquid methylbenzene. 

______________

 

Clarke’s plan apparently consists of nothing more than the two of them spent time together and getting to know each other, Lexa can’t find it in herself to complain.

 

Especially when said spending time together leads to kissing Clarke.

 

It started off tender after Lexa had mustered up the courage to lean in after Clarke had bashfully admitted to sketching her during class and how those distracted sketching sessions had to be rectified by some intense one on one studying with Raven.

 

Clarke pulls back from the now heated exchange and glances around, mindful of any prying eyes. She lets out a relieved sigh when she notices they haven't attracted an audience.

 

Lexa takes the opportunity to rest her head against Clarke’s, hands reaching up to cup the blonde’s face, “I really like spending time with you, Clarke.”

 

Clarke lets the words wash over her, closing her eyes to in an attempt to conceal the affection hiding behind them.

 

Not trusting her mouth to offer any form of a reply, Clarke’s only response is to pull Lexa in for another kiss. 

 

She hopes it conveys it all things she wishes she could say.

______________

 

Lexa didn't think that she’d enjoy volunteering as much as she has, there is a certain amount of pride that she feels about completing a challenging task in general. 

 

But once they’ve put the finishing touches on the school and she witnessing the all round improvement in the area, she feels like she’s actually done something good, made a real difference in the community.

 

(Spending an endless amount of time with Clarke is just an added bonus.) 

 

They’d agreed to stay partners after the second day, Raven and Anya claiming they had a more compatible work ethic.

 

Lexa didn't protest.

 

She definitely didn't think she’d feel sad about going home, but as she’s skimming the room at the farewell party she’s not thinking of home comfort of her own bed. 

 

She’s thinking about the same blonde she’s been dreaming about her first chemistry class and how they’ll probably spend less time together when they get back home.

 

“Why are you frowning, we’re at a party?”

 

The sound of Anya's voice pulls her from her thoughts, she turns to see her slightly tipsy friend with a beer in one hand and Raven tucked under her arm.

 

“I’m not frowning,” Lexa huffs

 

“Tell that to your face,” Anya laughs at her own joke, “you look worse than that time you got a B on a maths test in year 9.”

 

Honestly, Lexa had forgotten just how annoying Anya was after she’d had a drink, her filter seemingly disappearing at the mere sip of alcohol.

 

She’s just about to inform Anya of just how annoying she is and how harsh those grade boundaries were on that test when she feels familiar arms circle around her waist and a chaste kiss pressed against her cheek, “You okay?”

Lexa’s negative  thoughts dissipate at the feeling of Clarke pressed against her, she allows herself to sink into the touch, “Never better.” 

 

She lets Clarke guide her to the impromptu dance floor, losing herself in the sway of the blonde’s hips. 

**______________**

 

An hour or so later and the party is beginning to wind down, music fading out along with the crowd.

 

“Would you mind if Clarke spends the night in our room?” Anya asks practically barrelling into Lexa

 

Lexa recovers from the impact, steadying her feet and holding onto her best friend, “Why?”

 

“There are several things that I want to do to Raven that I’d rather her not see… or hear.”

 

Lexa nose scrunches, face shifting to one of disgust, “Ew.”

 

“Oh, come on. You owe me, you wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me, you’d be sat at home dreaming about some girl in your chemistry class, who looks good on Monday mornings and may or may not have smiled at you one time.”

 

If there’s one thing that Anya doesn't do, it’s beg, she thinks it’s beneath her, to give another person so much power.

 

But here she is pleading, in the sweetest voice, her slightly hazy mind can manage.

 

If Lexa was a better person she probably would have stopped Anya, let her know that she really didn't need any convincing. She was, in fact, contemplating asking Anya if wouldn't mind switching rooms for the night.  

 

She rather enjoys the sight of Anya pleading, desperate for a favour. She does, however, feel the need to interrupt when her friend utters out another please, “Relax, I’ll do it.”

 

“You will?” Anya asks brows raised like she’s waiting for the catch

 

Lexa chuckles a little at Anya’s shocked expression, “I’m pretty sure that Clarke won’t mind and I'd rather not be in the same room when you and Raven stumble back in and practically mount each other. I still haven't recovered from walking in on you and that exchange student.”

 

She shudders at the memory of Anya moaning against some Italian girl seeps in.

 

“Oh I completely forgot about that, she was hot,” Anya nodes clearly proud of herself

 

“She didn't even speak English”

 

“When you’ve got a body that does all the talking, you don't need any words”

 

Lexa turns away at the sight of Anya’s lewd smirk.

______________

 

“You know, if I didn't know any better I’d think you had ulterior motives for tonight.”

 

Lexa connects their hands and lets they sway as they walk towards her room, “Trust me, I don’t need ulterior motives to spend time with you,” Lexa smiles at the small confession, “But  in this case, I am saving you from unspeakable trauma.”

 

Clarke lets out a breathy laugh, “Oh I know, Raven went above and beyond the necessary details  when telling me about her plans for the night.”

 

“I cut Anya off before she had the chance to divulge.”

 

They both fall into a comfortable silence on route back to their room, for the last time.

______________

 

The pair end up lying together on Lexa’s bed, Lexa resting her head on Clarke’s chest as the blonde absentmindedly runs a soothing hand through her hair. 

 

Lexa bolts up to look Clarke in the eye when she hears her whisper about how long she’s wanted to do this.

 

“Wait, why didn't you say anything?”

 

Lexa is outwardly shocked when she finds out just how long Clarke has been crushing on her.

 

Clarke shakes her head at the brunette’s disbelief, “Well, why didn't _you_ say anything?” 

 

“I didn't  think you even know who I was,” Lexa's voice is quiet as her insecurities sneak in.

 

Clarke shuffles from underneath Lexa, shifting so that she can hold the student’s face in her hands,  thumbs running across her cheeks, “You’re kind of hard to miss.”

 

It’s sweet and it’s honest and Clarke doesn't know when she became the kind of person that just says what she’s feeling but there’s certainly no regret when she sees that little shy smile on Lexa’s face.

 

Lexa takes Clarke’s hands from her cheeks and presses her lips to each palm, eyes glassy with the affection she feels for the girl, “You’re kind of incredible, you know that?”

 

Lexa doesn't know how she got to this point, with Clarke is sitting in her lap, legs either side of Lexa’s hips, and Clarke’s lips against hers.

 

Lexa slips her hands to the back of Clarke’s head, fingers spreading through her hair as she pulls Clarke in for a slow kiss, savouring the feeling of her tongue.

 

She feels her heart thump in her chest when Clarke grinds her hips down and groans against her lips. 

 

Soon Lexa’s arousal is taken over by nerves, “Clarke?”

 

Clarke halts her movements at the breathy whimper of her name, reluctantly withdrawing from Lexa’s touch and locking her gaze with the brunette’s when she recognises it's a call of  mild panic rather than desire, “You okay?”

 

The sight of Clarke’s heaving chest and the sound of her laboured breath only serves to spark Lexa’s arousal, “yeah, I’ve- can we maybe just… slow down a little?”

 

Clarke nods, “You sure you’re okay? We can stop if-“

 

Lexa practically melts at the sound Clarke’s voice, it’s laced with care and understanding and she just can’t stop herself from interrupting the blonde’s speech with a short kiss, “I’m just nervous”

 

Clarke’s face lights up with a smile, “We can be nervous together.”

 

“I'm not used to this… not knowing what to do… I always know what to do,” Lexa shakes her head, inwardly cursing her own inexperience.

 

“See I never know what I’m doing… maybe we can teach each other a thing or two.”

 

“I have been told I’m a great student,” Lexa jokes, attempting to lighten the mood

 

Clarke closes the distance again, eyes wordlessly asking permission as she leans in to capture Lexa’s lips in a reassuring kiss

______________

 

“I've been more sure that there isn't anything you're not good at,” Clarke pants out as her body slams back down next to Lexa’s

 

Lexa’s responds with a clipped laugh as Clarke shifts to make herself comfortable at Lexa’s side.

 

She listens as Clarke’s breathing begins to even out and she drifts of a mellifluous voice whispering goodnight.

______________

 

Clarke wakes before Lexa, she lets the memories of last night wash over her as she takes in the sight of Lexa’s steady breaths and the crinkle of her nose as she sleeps. Clarke can’t resist planting a kiss to the tip of Lexa’s nose.

 

The gentle press of her lips causes the brunette to stir.

 

“Hey,” Lexa whispers, voice still coated with sleep and a smile creeping onto her face

 

“Hey,” Clarke's voice is void of any sleepiness but the smile she’s sporting in unrivalled.

 

“How long have you been watching me sleep,” Lexa’s eyes remain closed but she stretches out an arm to pull Clarke closer to her.

 

A surprised laugh escapes the blonde’s lips as she settles against Lexa’s naked body, “Only a little while, you’re a cute sleeper”

 

Lexa opens her eyes, the last remaining fragments of her dream replaced with the vision that is Clarke, it’s breathtaking, “You’re beautiful”

 

Clarke beams, readying a similarly sweet reply which is cut short when Anya unceremoniously barges through the door.

 

They both snap their attention to the intruder, Lexa’s annoyance written all over her face.

 

Anya doesn't even register what she’s stumbled in on, storming straight to her side of the room and throwing her clothes into an awaiting suitcase, “Why aren't you two ready, we leave for the airport in like an hour?” she asks over her shoulder.

 

Lexa clears her throat to gain Anya’s attention, “Anya, can you give us a minute.”

 

“What?” Anya spins, jaw going slack at the sight of her friend in bed with Clarke, “Oh. Shit sorry… I didn't think— shit,” she stammers out making a beeline for the door to give the pair some privacy.

 

Lexa waits for the door to shut before speaking, “Sorry about that, I didn't think she’d just walk in like that.”

 

Clarke shrugs of Lexa’s apology, not wanting the morning to be ruined by the intrusion. She places a quick kiss to Lexa’s lips as she stands from the bed and pulls on her discarded shirt from the previous night, “Really, it’s fine, I mean I’m a little bit sad this was cut short, I had some serious morning plans,” she says gesturing towards Lexa with a devilish smirk, “but, I really should head back to get a start on packing and with any luck Raven will be stuffing her face with breakfast and won’t have to deal with her insufferable morning persona.”

 

Lexa hums as she watches Clarke get dressed with impressive speed before she knows what’s happening, the blonde is placing a swift kiss to her cheek and whisper a hopefully, “I’ll see you later?”

**______________**

 

“Okay, so you clearly had fun last night,” Anya tone is weirdly proud as she reenters the room, a knowing smirk firmly in place.

 

“We’re not talking about it,” Lexa huffs out, slightly mortified that Anya walked in when she did. Now she going to have to put up with an entire plane ride of teasing. _As if she didn't already hate flying._

 

“It’s sweet that you think I’m going to bring up the fact that you totally slept with Clarke Griffin, the girl that you’ve been mooning over for ages.”

 

“Anya!”

 

“Sweet.”

 

Anya just manages to duck out the way of the pillow that is hurled at her with considerable force.

 

**______________**

 

“So, how was it?”

 

 _“Christ,”_ Clarke jumps at the sound of Raven voice, she was fully expecting to have the room to herself, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Bullshit. I can practically smell the sin from here and that smiles not fooling anyone, you totally slept with her.”

 

Clarke’s only response is a shake of the head and a small smile as she quickly shifts the focus from her night with Lexa and questions Raven about her night with Anya, “What about you? I trust you had an eventful evening.”

 

“Oh, it was eventful alright,” Raven starts as she begins to fill Clarke in on the events that she missed after she’d left the party with Lexa.

 

Clarke attention wains as her mind drifts back to thoughts of Lexa. She tunes back just as Raven is describing a particular move with her tongue, that Anya certainly enjoyed, “Ew, Raven.”

 

“You asked,” Raven shrugs, completely undeterred by Clarke’s reaction

 

“I know you have this whole _‘sharing is caring’_ motto but seriously, there are some things I’d rather you kept to yourself.” Clarke shudders as her mind replays some of the things she has just heard, “I definitely know more about Anya than I ever wanted to.”

 

“Point taken,” Raven relents fixing Clarke with a trademark grin,“That doesn't mean you're off the hook, Griffin. I want details.”

 

And she usually gets them but there’s something about last night and it doesn't feel quite right to provide Raven with any sordid details, she doesn't want to make it seem like some cheap meaningless night. Some quest to brag about. “You’re not getting any.”

 

“You gotta give me something, anything, like on a scale of 1 to 10?” Raven pleads

 

“Rae, that’s gross I’m giving her a score.” 

 

Raven ponders the response for a second before reaching her own conclusion, “Hmm, sounds like a classic 7 to me, solid performance but nothing earth shattering—”

 

“Ugh, enough!”

 

“If you just told me I wouldn't have to guess.”

 

Clarke knows if she doesn't give Raven a little something she’s never going to stop digging and she’d much rather have her asking questions without an audience of people to overhear any of her answers.

 

“It was different,” a reminiscent smile stretches across her face.

 

“Different?” Raven asks, cautious but intrigued nonetheless 

 

Clarke lets out a content sigh, sensing Raven’s not going to let her leave anytime soon, she makes herself comfortable on the bed, “I don't know how to explain it… You know that feeling where everything just fits. When you look at someone and they're just… Just everything you ever imagined… better even?”

 

“Shit, Griffin you got it bad, you going to be this,” she waves her hand gesturing to Clarke, “sappy and all doe-eyed when we get back to school?”

 

“We didn’t actually get the chance to talk about it, but I know I can’t just switch it off and I’m pretty sure she feels the same way. What about you and Anya?”

 

Raven scoffs, “After last night, I don’t think she’ll be turning me down anytime soon.”

 


	3. Like Rum on a Fire (You won’t grow lonely)

The plane ride back is significantly more comfortable than the one on the way there.

 

(At least for Lexa)

 

She’d managed to persuade Raven to swap seats for the journey and was thoroughly enjoying the comfort of Clarke’s shoulder, drifting off shortly after take off.

 

Clarke, on the other hand, was stiff as a board, reluctant to move for fear of disturbing the brunette. She looked so peaceful, a small smile tugging at her lips as she slept and occasional sound escaping.

 

Clarke glances tow rows in front spotting a similar scene. Anya ungracefully sprawled across Raven like she was her very own human pillow and Raven grinning down at the girl, laughing at the quiet snoring emitting from the blonde.

 

Clarke thinks back to this time last week when she was groaning at her friend, complaining about the uncomfortable seats and the lack of leg room.

 

Now the seats don’t seem so uncomfortable, not when Lexa’s pressed against her side and the lack of space is just another excuse to  shuffle closer and snuggle into the brunette.

 

She didn't think that she’d actually want a flight to last longer than the specified time, but she’s not ready to let Lexa go just yet.

 

“You’ve got to stop doing that.”

 

Clarke’s nose crinkles in confusion at Lexa’s barely coherent grumble, “What?”

 

“Watching me sleep,” Lexa clarifies 

 

Clarke runs her index finger along the bridge of Lexa’s nose, lips stretching into a sweet smile, “It’s not my fault, you do this twitchy thing with your eyebrow, makes it impossible to take my eyes off you.”

 

“Sounds attractive,” Lexa deadpans

 

“You have no idea,” Clarke replies without missing a beat.

 

Lexa hums, eyes unable to fight off the tiredness as she snuggles back into Clarke.

 

The blonde lets out a small laugh as she feels the weight of Lexa’s head against her shoulder once again. 

 

______________

 

 

“Clarke!” Abby shouts at the sight of her daughter wheeling her luggage, hand firmly clasped with a girl that’s definitely not Raven. 

 

Clarke spins at the sound of her name being called, not expecting to hear or see her mother at the airport. It takes no time for her to cross the room, legs taking long easy strides. She’s welcomed with a warm hug as soon as she reaches her mother. 

 

Lexa watches on, shifting awkwardly on her feet as the embrace goes on.

 

“Mom, I thought you were working.”

 

“I thought not seeing you for a week was a good enough reason to switch shifts, what kind of mother would I be if I let you make your own way back?” Abby explains not so subtly glancing at the nervous looking brunette on Clarke’s right-hand side.

 

“Right… Mom this is—” Clarke nods in understanding, pulling Lexa a little closer

 

“Lexa,” the brunette interrupts hand shooting out to greet Clarke’s mother, “it’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr Griffin.”

 

Abby accepts the offered hand, gentle shaking. Her eyes momentarily shift from Lexa to Clarke, smile tugging at her lips as she takes in the sight of Clarke’s pleading eyes.

 

_What kind of mother passes up a golden opportunity to embarrass their only daughter?_

 

“Likewise, Lexa… I was beginning to think that Clarke would never introduce us.”

 

Lexa eyes Clarke, clearly confused. The blonde merely shrugs off her mother's words, “Mom, I’m sure Raven’s here somewhere and she would love to see you.”

 

Abby has been in enough of these situations to know when she’s politely being dismissed. She doesn't put up a fight when she sees just how desperate her daughter is for some privacy. Leaving the teenagers alone as she leaves in search of Raven.

 

“So your mom knows who I am,” Lexa states probing for more information

 

Clarke blushes a little under Lexa’s gaze, silently cursing her mother’s inability to keep things to herself, “I swear that’s the last time I tell her about the cute girl that sits in front of me of in chemistry class.”

 

Lexa chuckles at the admission, “I should think so. Though jess, two desks down is pretty cute, maybe you should let your mom know about her?” She jokes 

 

“Shut up,” Clarke responds with a playful shove

 

______________

 

The car ride home is practically torture for Clarke.

 

First, she’d had to say goodbye to Lexa, an overly dramatic goodbye considering they’d be seeing each other bright and early on Monday morning.

 

To make matters worse, Raven was sitting pretty in the front seat rabbiting on about how they’d spent the week and providing details on their trip, some details about Clarke and Lexa that Clarke wishes she had kept to herself.

 

Raven and Abby spent the duration of car ride home teasing Clarke about Lexa.

 

Clarke refrains from mentioning Anya, deciding to save that for a later date, preferably when her mother wasn't nearby.

 

She blocks out the sound of her friend’s voice, her phone providing a welcome distraction as catches up on the things she’s missed over the week.

 

She can’t help but grin when an incoming text message pops up on her screen

 

 **Lexa** : Is it weird that I miss you already?

 

Clarke types out a fast response blissfully unaware of the ongoing teasing in the front of the car.

 

______________

 

 **Clarke:** I miss you too

 

“You’ve been apart for less than hour,” Anya scoffs, reading Lexa’s messages over her shoulder

 

Lexa huffs, shielding her phone from Anya’s prying eyes, “What’s your point?”

 

“Nothing,” Anya shrugs, tone indifferent, “Just… don’t you think this is all going a little fast? You seem awfully attached.”

 

It’s Lexa’s turn to shrug, on some level she agrees with Anya, she doesn't really like the idea of getting attached with so little of the school year left. She still hasn't decided on a university and she knows even less about Clarke’s plans. “I’m not attached…”

 

Lexa’s not even sure she believes herself and if the snort she hears coming from Anya is anything to go by neither does her friend.

 

“You’ve been attached since you first set eyes on her.”

 

Lexa really can’t argue with her friend on that, so she tries a different tactic and shifts the focus back on Anya and her flourishing relationship, “Like you’re any better, you’ve been fawning over Raven since the first night.”

 

“Have not!”

 

Lexa laughs at the unexpected outburst, she can’t remember the last time that Anya didn't have a witty response waiting but she hopes it happens more often.

 

“You like her,” Lexa states firmly, leaving no room for interpretation.

 

“Maybe I do,” Anya all but grumbles

 

Lexa’s face twists into a satisfied smirk, “Now who’s getting attached.”

 

______________

 

The weekend moves at a snails pace for Lexa, she takes the time to catch up with her family, all eager to find out what she’d accomplished and her trip.

 

Lexa’s equally eager to share, she tells them about the area and the work they'd been involved with and the lasting impact of said work.

 

She conveniently leaves out a certain blonde and the extracurriculars of the trip.

 

Anya, however, is a little more forthcoming with the details of all extracurriculars. She’s never been particularly shy when it comes to sharing and she shows absolutely no shame when bragging about a dark haired girl named Raven Reyes who has a flair for building and fixing things.

 

Lexa just watches on as Anya continues to ramble.

 

_Definitely attached, she thinks._

 

______________

 

Lexa usually enjoys going to school, she always has, enjoys the thrill of learning something new or just demonstrating her plethora of knowledge.

 

But it’s a different feeling now, she gets a warm fuzzy feeling as she steps off the bus and she knows it has nothing to do with the books she’s reserved at the library.

 

She doesn't have any classes with Clarke this term but that doesn't stop them from spending lunch together. Sometimes their lunch hours are filled with deep conversation and inside jokes. Sometimes they’re joined by Anya and Raven as they quickly complete some overdue homework together. Sometimes they have quiet lunches, the silence only filled with the sound of the turning of a page and the scratching sound of Clarke’s pencil against her sketch pad. Other times they’re filled with nothing more than heated kisses and whispered words. Lexa’s not sure which ones are her favourite.

 

It’s new for Lexa and as much as she likes spending an hour tucked away in the empty corner of the library with a sandwich in one hand and a book in the other. She’d happily spent every lunch with Clarke, even if she’s just watching the blonde rush out the answers for some french translation homework that she’d forgotten to do the night before.

______________

 

Lexa’s soon finds her nights of lone studying, do, in fact, have room for Clarke.

 

Clarke rewards Lexa with a kiss for each question she answers correctly, there’s nothing like a bit of operant conditioning to spur Lexa on.

 

Clarke does her best to give Lexa adequate time to study but she definitely implements more breaks than the other girl is used to.

 

“You have to stop distracting me, Clarke,” Lexa says unconvincingly as she pulls her lips from Clarke’s

 

“You love it.”

 

“I do,” Lexa concedes as she allows herself to be dragged in for another kiss.

 

All thoughts of studying are obliterated as Clarke tugs on Lexa’s hips and deepens the kiss before Lexa has the chance to take it any further, there’s a stern knock on the door, followed quickly by the sure steps of her mother.

 

Lexa doesn't think she’s moved so fast in her life, grace all but removed when she’s scrambling to remove herself from Clarke.

 

Indra clears her throat as Lexa not so subtly straightens out her shirt, “Mom, you’re back early,” she greets, tone an octave higher which causes Clarke to choke down a laugh.

 

Indra lets out a quiet hum and shifts her gaze to the blonde still seated on Lexa’s bed, “I didn't know you had company.”

 

Clarke takes that as her cue to spring into action, jolting up from her position to look Indra in the eyes as she greets her with a firm but nervous handshake, “Clarke, I’m Lexa’s…” she pauses to look over to Lexa for a little bit of guidance but it seems that Indra is more than willing to fill in the blanks.

 

“Girlfriend, I know, Lexa’s mention you more than a few times… all good things don't worry. Are you staying for dinner, Clarke? We’re having pizza.”

 

Okay, Clarke wasn't expecting that, Lexa’s mother was downright terrifying, face hardened and gaze cold but then she’s offered pizza in a pleasant voice and a small but not forced smile. She can’t help but mirror the smile as she nods, agreeing to stay for dinner.

 

“Great, delivery should be here in half an hour don’t make me come up and get you,” she directs towards Lexa before exiting in swift fashion.

 

“Girlfriend, huh?” Clarke takes no mercy as she strides over to the blushing brunette

 

“Yeah—I—Uh, I—” Lexa stammers unsure of what to say

 

“I like it,” Clarke assures with a quick kiss to Lexa’s lips.

 

Dinner goes by without a hitch, Lexa’s never seen anyone gain her mother’s approval as fast as Clarke does, but she’s not really surprised when Clarke flashes that winning smile once more, she has first-hand experience of just how influential it is.

______________

 

“So, how did I do?” Clarke asks as Lexa walks her to the door once dinner is finished and she’s collected her stuff from Lexa’s room.

 

“I honestly have no idea how you do it,” Lexa replies opening the door for Clarke, “she likes you. I don't think I've heard her laughs that much in… well, ever.”

 

Clarke laughs at the look of awe on Lexa’s face, lips pressing to her cheek in a fleeting goodbye, “It’s a gift. My place tomorrow? My mom is working so we’ll have the place to ourselves.”

 

Lexa doesn't miss the suggestive glint in Clarke’s eyes, “Tomorrow”

 

______________

 

Lexa’s suspicions of Clarke’s plans were confirmed within seconds of her arrival.

 

Clarke skips over the formality of any greeting, making quick work of ridding Lexa of her bag (no doubt full of school work) and pulls her girlfriend up the stairs towards her bedroom, “What took you so long?”

 

Lexa just about to argue that she’s actual here earlier than she said she’d been, but the words die in her throat, a strangled gasp escaping instead as Clarke shuts the bedroom door and pins her against it.

 

Clarke takes a moment to scan Lexa’s face, trying to gauge her expression when she thinks she got a handle on it, identifying the emotions as lust and slight confusion. She takes a small step back eyes fixed on Lexa’s face, hands dropping to the bottom of her shirt before discarding in one swift motion.

 

Lexa opens her mouth to say something, anything but then quickly closes it. Sure the two had spent a lot of time together since they’d got back from volunteering but they hadn’t exactly had the chance to do more than some inappropriate grinding and heated exchanges. She sure hopes that every time she sees Clarke topless she’s not going to be rendered speechless, she’d really like to say something, even if it’s just some cheesy line to tell Clarke how good she looks.

 

She’s almost embarrassed by the length of time she spends just wordlessly staring at Clarke but she definitely feeling more confident than last time, memories of the last time they’d slept together flooding her senses.

 

Suddenly her mind is filled, racing with all the things she wants to do to Clarke.

 

Clarke watches with a smirk as she sees Lexa’s pupils darken with desire and her shifts to one of sheer determination. The sight itself causing her own arousal to spike.

 

Lexa surges forward capturing Clarke’s lips in a fiery kiss.

 

______________

 

They fall into a steady rhythm after that, lives gelling together with ease.

 

The time she used to spend with just Anya suddenly becomes double dates, they’re usually fairly casual affairs of dinner and a movie. They’re supposed to alternate who gets to pick the movie but more often than not Clarke’s choice wins out. Lexa’s powerless to deny her girlfriend and Raven and Anya spent too much of the movie wrapped up in each to care what essentially serves as background noise on the screen.

 

It’s only been just over three months but Lexa already can’t imagine a time when Clarke’s not tugging and her arm and begging her to put down a well-read book and take a deserved break.

 

She’s not sure what heartbreak feels like but, every time she feels that muscle flutter in her chest at the mention of her girlfriend’s name or the sound of the blonde’s sonorous laugh, she knows who has the power to break it.

______________

 

The first real thought Lexa has about her long-term future with Clarke comes when her girlfriend casually mentions her top picks for university.

 

And that’s when it hits her, how close the end of the year actual is, how little time she has left with Clarke, how they’ll probably be miles apart in couple months.

 

A level of uncertainty settles in the pit of her stomach, she’s always been the type of person to have a plan, prides herself on it, her plans for university mapped out meticulously; but Clarke, she hadn't planned for Clarke.

 

_How could she?_

 

She nods at times when Clarke looks over for input, but she stays quiet lost in her own thoughts and fears.

 

Clarke guesses that Lexa’s lack of conversation is just down to tiredness after all the additional studying she’d doing lately in preparation for her second to last maths exam. She checks in with her girlfriend, “You okay?” eyes soft and tone laced with concern.

 

Lexa softens at the concern but shrugs off the question nonetheless, “Yeah”

 

______________

 

 

“Clarke asked after you today,” Anya says in passing as if it’s nothing as if she doesn't know that Lexa’s dodging her calls.

 

“Yeah?” Lexa says with a practised indifference.

 

Anya obviously sees right through the nonchalance, “God, you’re insufferable, just talk to her”

 

“I can’t”

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

“I know,” Lexa says because she does, she knows how stupid it is but she’s just not ready to talk to Clarke about what she’s feeling. So she does what every mature person does with their problems: Avoids them.

 

“I hope you know she’s not going to wait around forever, so you better get over yourself fast.” Anya doesn't stick around to wait for a response, leaving her friend alone to ponder what she’s said.

 

______________

 

“Has Anya said anything to you?” Clarke asks Raven, a last ditch effort to find out why she hadn't seen or heard from Lexa for the last couple of days.

 

“Many things, I enjoy most of them… not sure you’d be as appreciative,” Raven responds seriously, rolling her eyes when she hears the blonde sat next to her sign, “You’re going to have to narrow it down for me.”

 

“About Lexa, obviously”

 

“Hate to break it to you Clarke, but we don't spend a lot of time talking about your girlfriend.”

 

Clarke doesn't bother holding back her groan, “Ugh, she hasn't been at school the last couple of days and she’s not replying to my texts.”

 

“Maybe she’s sick, even the great Lexa Woods gets ill sometimes,” Raven shrugs

 

Clarke slumps back in her seat, uncapping her pen and preparing for the lesson that’s due to start any minute now, “That’s just it, she doesn’t. Never missed a day of school in her life, has the immune system of a God.” 

 

“I’ll ask, Anya, she’s surprisingly susceptible to a combination of sad eyes and a good pout.”

 

That manages to draw a quiet chuckle out of Clarke, she too has fallen prey to those sad eyes, “Thanks, Rae.”

______________

 

It’s been a week. An entire week of unread text messages. A week of unreturned phone calls. Seven whole days of absolute misery for Clarke, she’s replayed each moment she’s spent with Lexa, fine combing every detail trying pinpoint something, anything that could have triggered this kind of reaction from Lexa.

 

She’s stumped, she can’t think of a single thing and she’s pretty sure she’s beginning to have withdrawal symptoms.

 

She’d become so accustomed to having the brunette by her side and thought of Lexa brushing her aside so easily hurt more than anything else she’d experienced in her years.

 

She’s had enough.

 

And she’d be damned if she wasn't going to find out why Lexa had just cut her out like they were nothing more than mere acquaintances.

 

She’d already employed her grade A investigation techniques (a quick scroll through social media) and came up empty handed due to the inactivity of Lexa’s accounts.

 

As a last resort she’d sought out Anya but it was clear that her alliances lay with her best friend, at least until Clarke had enlisted the help of the one and only Raven Reyes, who’s persuasive techniques were unsurprisingly more effective than anything Clarke could manage. 

 

Anya’s barely finished uttering Lexa’s whereabouts when Clarke makes a start towards the door. Apparently, Lexa had been holed up in a small coffee shop downtown, that she’d grown to love after spending the holidays working there in an effort to bulk up her savings.

 

She doesn't think twice before storming across the room and sliding into the booth opposite Lexa in the sparsely populated coffee shop.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Clarke states cutting straight to the chase

 

Lexa looks up surprised to see the blonde sitting across from her, the very angry blonde,“Clarke-” she begins but stops realising she has absolutely no idea what to say, she hadn't really thought about Clarke tracking her down, although she really should have factored in Anya’s tendency to sell her out when she needed a push in the right direction or when a pretty girl was involved. She has no doubt that Raven played a major role in Clarke discovering her location, Anya’s the only one that knows about this place and how much Lexa loves it.

 

“Nope. No. You don’t get to say anything, you had your chance to say something, a week's worth of chances and you’ve given nothing but radio silence.”

 

Lexa is spared the need to string together some pathetic excuse as Clarke jumps in, clearly prepared, Although Lexa, supposes she’s had a little bit more time to rehearse what she was going to say, probably mapping it out in her walk over.

 

“Things were going well, great even and then you just skip out with no explanation, did you think I wouldn’t notice? That I didn't deserve an explanation? Because it hurts Lexa… it hurts to think that maybe you didn't feel the same way, to think that I was just something you could just throw to the side when you'd had enough,” Clarke takes a deep breath trying to regain an ounce of composure taking in the stunned looked on Lexa’s face begging her to step in and some point and reassure her that what she felt was real.

 

“I’ve been avoiding you,” Lexa says nodding along like she’s just admitting to herself for the first time.

 

Clarke scans Lexa’s face and waits patiently for the brunette to offer an explanation but her patience wears thin when no words come, “Why?” She probes growing increasingly frustrated.

 

“I’m fairly forgettable Clarke…,” Lexa watches as the blondes face scrunches in confusion and disagreement, “And- I just thought, schools almost over and who knows where we’ll end up next year and I like you, like really like you and what if we go our separate ways and you forget about me?” Lexa chokes a little at the thought, “It’s just easier this way, to end this before it comes more than it already is before it becomes too hard to let you go.”

 

It sounds stupid now that Lexa finally voiced her concerns out loud, how she’d let her insecurities get the better of her and how much pain she’d caused Clarke by just avoiding the issue altogether. She takes another look at Clarke’s appearance and really looks, she notices the worn eyes and the absence of that sunshine smiles that she so adores. She’s suddenly overcome with the need to apologise, “I’m sorry, I—”

 

“How can someone so smart be so stupid?” Clarke asks, her tone isn't harsh but genuinely curious like she can’t quite comprehend Lexa’s thought process

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You want to end things now because you’re afraid of what you feel for me and this thing that we have and you want to stop it before it becomes too much?” Clarke summarises waiting for Lexa’s nod of approval before continuing, “And you thought the best way of dealing with this was just outright avoiding me?” She gets another nod of confirmation from Lexa, “God, that’s so stupid.”

 

“I know,” Lexa agrees, dropping her head

 

Clarke stretches across the table, catching Lexa’s hand and giving it a tender squeeze to bring the brunette’s attention back to her, “You have to talk to me Lex, you can’t just shut me out when you get scared, that’s not how relationships work. ”

 

“I know. I don’t want us to end, Clarke.” There’s a drop of vulnerability in Lexa’s voice towards the end like she’s not sure whether Clarke can forgive her, she’s not sure she should be forgiven so easily.

 

It’s a start at least, Clarke thinks and she’s willing to work with it.

 

“You’re not forgettable, far from it” Clarke shares like it’s only thing she’s sure of in this moment, that if there’s one thing she’ll remember for years to come it’s the vision of Lexa nestled against her. “And, I know I can’t promise that we won’t drift apart, I can’t even promise that I won’t hurt you at some point… but I can promise that I’ll try with everything I’ve got, that I’ll never set out to hurt you. That I’m in this as much as you are.”

 

Lexa quickly brings up her free hand to wipe away a stray tear that’s idly making it’s way down her right cheek and lets Clarke’s words sink in.

 

“But you have to promise to talk to me, to let me in, that you won’t just go dark when you think things are going to get tough.”

 

Lexa nods so fast she can practically sense a migraine, “I can do that.”

 

“Good, because I don't know about you but this last week has been hell for me.”

 

Clarke adds a bit of needed jest into the conversation in an attempt to lift the heavy nature of their words. She knows from the little bits of information that Anya had slipped over the week that Lexa had suffered as well, her own doing but suffered nonetheless.

 

To say Lexa’s surprised at how easily all of this has been ironed out would an understatement. In reality, she knows it going to take more than a few sentences to win Clarke back over completely, that she’ll have to demonstrate her willingness to stay and communicate her insecurities and any worries she has about their relationship, but she’s happy to get the chance.

 

“So we’ll figure it out together?”

 

“Together.”

 


	4. It’ll all be better in the morning

It takes some time and some serious discussions about what they mine to each other, but they finally fall back into a steady rhythm. They somehow manage to spend more time together than before, Lexa practically becoming a permanent fixture at Clarke’s house; much to Abby’s delight.

 

Lexa takes the time to savour each moment she has with Clarke, more than aware of how much time her little freak out had cost her. Although they’ve both been honest with each other in terms of where they stand and how they feel, they’ve been equally evasive in their destinations once school is over, wanting to live in the little bubble a little longer.

 

Lexa knows it has to come crashing down at some point, knows that with the school year coming to an end, they’ve probably both already decided what they want to do and where they want to go, that the only way plans will change is if one them is unable to meet the criteria once their exam results are back. A harsh reality that many students will face, future plans ripped from them because they’d missed out on that coveted A by a few marks.

 

It’s not a worry Lexa shares with her peers, she’s just received an unconditional offer from Cambridge to study chemical engineering, a feat few could boast about. Although, she’s sure Raven has an equally impressive offer at her fingertips. 

 

It’s everything she’s been working towards for the last two years, all the studying she’s done, all the weekends she’d wasted with her face firmly glued to a textbook. When she gets the news her smile isn’t half as big as it should have been, promptly dropping when she instinctively reaches for her phone to itching to tell Clarke all about it. 

 

_Clarke_

 

She fights against her own fingers, calling Anya instead. 

 

Anya picks up on the second ring, voice weirdly upbeat for a Monday morning but her manners well and truly intact, “What do you want?”

 

“Delightful, as always,” Lexa doesn't miss a beat with the response, they’ve been friends for so long that Anya’s abruptness doesn't really come as a surprise anymore.

 

Anya scoffs at the sarcasm, “When you call me before 8 when you know I don't have to go in until the afternoon, you don't get to complain about how I answer the phone.”

 

“Fair enough, but I have news.”

 

That piques Anya’s interest, “Oh, feel free to share.”

 

Lexa takes a calming breath, disbeliefs flooding her lungs as she prepares to share the news for the very first time, “I got into Cambridge.” It’s short and sweet and Lexa lets Anya take it from there.

 

“Shit. Really? Lexa, that’s great. God, I’m so happy for you, you've worked so hard for this,” Anya usually not one to get emotional but Lexa tends to bring it out in her, “wait, why don't you sound as excited as I am right now?”

 

It’s an accusation that Lexa absolutely refutes, “I’m excited”

 

Anya excitement doesn't trail off as she continues, “Could have fooled me, what does Clarke think?” 

 

“She doesn't know,” Lexa admits sheepishly

“Lexa,” It’s a scolding tone that she would recognise anywhere, the mere tone of it sending a tinge of guilt through her, “you promised you wouldn't do this again.”

 

“I only just found out,” Lexa defends because that’s not what she’s doing, she’s not avoiding the issues completely, she’d promised to talk to Clarke, that they'd figure it out together and the last thing she’d want to do is break that promise, “I didn't want to tell her over the phone.”

 

Anya lets it go for now, fully prepared to confront Lexa this time around, if she does decide to put it off.

 

______________

 

For the first time in four years, Lexa is late for school, the round of congratulations lasting a lot longer than she expected. Her parents were clearly thrilled at the prospect of their daughter going to such a prestigious university.

 

She’d just managed to sneak away, avoid the grasp of another hug. An enthusiastic jog for the bus was not enough to make up for the time spent sharing the news with her family.

 

Knowing she won't have time to she Clarke before school starts she shoots off a quick text to her girlfriend, asking to meet for lunch so they could talk.

 

It’s cryptic and rushed, giving Clarke absolutely no insight. She reads it over once more, sighing at how impersonal it seems but she doesn't know what else to say. She debates sending another but hears the bell go before she gets the chance.

 

______________

 

It doesn't take long for Clarke’s eyes to find Lexa, she’s sitting in her usual spot but her brows are creased and her lips are twisted in a small frown. Clarke feels a sense of curiosity at the sight but she’s mainly concerned about her girlfriend. 

 

“You look like you’re thinking too hard”

 

The sound of Clarke’s teasing draws Lexa from her thoughts, eyes leaving the table and landing on Clarke’s sweet smile. She puts her thoughts to the back of her mind as she rises to her feet to press her lips against Clarke’s smile, the sensation instantly relaxing her, “Hey.”

 

A grin stretches across Clarke’s face, “Hey, yourself,” she takes a seat next to Lexa, not caring about the lack of space, resting her head against Lexa’s shoulder, “What are thinking about?”

 

“Us” 

 

That admission causes Clarke to lift her from Lexa’s shoulder, heart jumping in a little panic as she remembers the frown Lexa was wearing before her arrival, "us?”

 

“I got an offer from Cambridge, unconditional, I'm going to Cambridge” Lexa states, straight to the point as she watches the emotions play out on Clarke’s face as she processes the information. The minor confusion shifts to jubilation, with a smile that reaches her eyes.

 

Clarke can’t think of many moments in her life when she’s been rendered speechless but the latest ones have been caused by Lexa. She doesn't bother offering her congratulations with words, opting instead to pull her girlfriend in for a kiss. Her hands cup Lexa’s cheeks as she coaxes her mouth open with her tongue. She only pulls back when she hears another student obnoxiously slam down their book on the table across from them. Clarke keeps her hands on Lexa’s cheeks as she soothingly rubs her thumbs back and forth, “I’m proud of you.”

Of all the things Lexa was expecting Clarke to say, _’I’m proud of you’_ wasn't one of them, she had expected a hint of sadness at the news, the only thing she remembers from Clarke talking about her top picks for university is that none of her first choices are even remotely close to Cambridge, which all but confirms that they will be apart come the end of the year. “You are?” She fails to mask her surprise, pitch fluctuating as she asks the question.

 

“Of course I am,” Clarke responds completely bewildered at Lexa’s surprise. “You’ve worked so hard for this, why wouldn't I be proud of you?”

 

“I don’t know-I - uh… I just thought since you’re not applying for any universities nearby that you would, I don't know.”

 

Clarke withdraws her hands from Lexa’s face, dropping down to clasp each hand in her own, giving a light reassuring squeeze, “Just because we’re not going to be in the same place doesn't mean that I wouldn't be proud that you got into one of the best universities in the country,” she keeps her hands joined with Lexa’s as a smirk makes it’s way onto her face, “Besides… now I get to brag about how my incredibly hot girlfriend is a genius,” she finished off with a quick peck on Lexa’s lips, eliciting a smile from her girlfriend.

 

“God, I love you.” It’s barely a whisper and it’s an accidental slip, Lexa had meant to keep the thought from spiralling into words but that doesn't mean it’s any less true. She’s not sure where Clarke will go, how far apart they will be or even if they’ll last the duration of their degrees but there’s absolutely no doubt in her feelings for Clarke. The certainty of it washes over her, she says it once more but this time with conviction, “I love you.”

 

“I love you too”

 

______________

 

“So how’d it go?” Anya doesn't even wait for Lexa to say hello when she picks up the phone jumping straight to the question she wants an answer to.

 

Normally Lexa would let loose on a rant about how impolite Anya is and how she’d really appreciate if she could greet her with a hello every once and awhile but she doesn't bother today, “It went really well, better than I thought. I’m actually heading to her place now, she wanted to do something to celebrate together.”

 

“I’m sure she did,” Anya laughs out and she can practically see Lexa’s blush at the insinuation of them celebrating together.

 

“It’s not like that”

 

Anya doesn't believe a word, just gives a condescending hum in response that lets Lexa know she’s not buying it.

 

“Okay, maybe it’s a little like that.” She doesn't bother to wait for Anya to finish laughing before she hangs up.

 

______________

 

“Lexa, hi. Clarke never mentioned you were coming over,” Abby greets as she opens the door 

 

“Oh, is it not okay? I can leave—”

 

Abby lets out a small puff of air at Lexa’s stuttering, she’s lost count of the number of times she’s seen Lexa in her home, usually cuddled up with Clarke as they whisper sweet nothings. “Nonsense,” she says, stepping aside to Lexa into the house, “we were just about to eat if you'd like to join us?”

 

Lexa just nods as she obediently follows Abby.

 

Abby makes quick work of hand Lexa a plate with far too much food for a single person to consume in one sitting but Lexa says nothing but a polite thank you as she graciously accepts what’s being offered.

 

“You can take a seat, Clarke should be down any minute.”

 

Lexa does as she’s instructed, gingerly placing the full plate in front of her. This is the first time she’s been left alone with Clarke’s mom and she can’t help but feel a sudden rush of nerves as silence invades the room.

 

“So, you and Clarke, it’s serious?”

 

Lexa nods in confirmation not trusting her words to form anything but jittery sentences that would no doubt give off the wrong impression.

 

“And your intentions, with my daughter?” Abby is honestly having so much fun right now as she watches Lexa squirm in her seat under the watchful eye of her stern gaze. She’s met Lexa enough times to get a read on what kind of girl her daughter is dating and she’d have spoken up much sooner if she disapproved of the two of them together, but the opportunity to interrogate Lexa without Clarke here to step in every time the brunette gets flustered is far too good to pass up.

 

“They’re honourable.”

 

Abby delights in the way she’s able to make the usually eloquent Lexa stutter over her words. She nods at Lexa’s answer, believes every word, she’s seen in the way the look at each other, in the way that Clarke’s face brightens anytime she talks about her girlfriend. “Does Clarke know how you feel?” It’s the only thing she doesn't know; if they've told each how they feel but it feels like an invasive question, one she should only know the answer to if Clarke sees fit and she regrets the words as soon as they slip out. She’s already attempting to backtrack and withdraw the question when Lexa speaks up.

 

“She does,” it’s the first time Lexa's eyes have focused on anything other than her plate of food.

 

Abby follows the girls eyes and turns to see Clarke standing in the doorway, shoulder resting on the frame and she watches the scene play out between the two teenagers, each smiling that carefree smile that only the young are capable of. “Hey sweetheart, food is ready.” Abby directs at Clarke in her best ‘I wasn't doing anything voice’ 

 

Clarke side-eyes her mother suspiciously as she crosses the room to place a tender kiss on Lexa’s cheek. She’d only caught the last bit of the conversation between them but she has no doubt that there was more to it than that. “Hey, you’re early.”

 

“I wanted to see you,” Lexa shrugs, smile still on display for all to see.

 

______________

 

An hour and a half later and Abby is leaving for her shift at the hospital, bidding goodbye to the pair cuddled up on the sofa.

 

It doesn't take long for Lexa to shift their positions, moving to sit in Clarke’s lap, knees either side of her hips. Clarke was quick to react to the change, hands flying to support Lexa’s waist as the brunette threads her fingers through Clarke’s blonde hair.

Lexa closes the distance to kiss Clarke as the grip on her waist tightens considerably. She lets out a moan as Clarke's hands drift under her shirt, her touch gentle and frantic all at once. She lets her eyes flutter closed and tilts her head back when Clarke begins to trail kisses down her neck and across her jaw. The moment causes Lexa to slowly grind her hips down.

 

Clarke's hands move to the bottom of her shirt, teasing the fabric but she stops them before Clarke can remove her shirt, “Clarke,” it’s a warning but there’s not much force behind the name, the needy desperation far too apparent for Clarke to take her seriously.

 

Clarke studies her girlfriend watches as her eye flit towards the door and then back to her. It’s not hard to figure out what she’s worried about, she’d been pretty mortified when her own mother caught them but she’s fairly certain that Lexa wouldn't have recovered if the roles had been reversed and Abby had walked in. “She’s not going to be back for hours, we have the place to ourselves. Trust me I would not be doing this,” Clarke emphasises her point by rocking her hips into Lexa’s, smirking at the little whimper the action receives, “If there was any chance that we could be disturbed.”

 

Clarke’s assurances and her touch are more than enough to cause Lexa’s restraint to dissolve. The brunette takes control as leans back slightly and removes her own shirt. Her fingers more at torturously slow pace, revelling in the way that Clarke’s breath seem to catch with each pop of a button. She daren't take her eyes off Clarke as she makes her way down meticulously, Lexa loves the way her girlfriend’s face constricts as she tries to keep herself from hurrying her slow fingers, eager to have access to the bare skin beneath.

 

“You’re teasing,” Clarke whines, frustration growing at Lexa’s teasing pace and half-open shirt.

 

“I am,” it’s an acknowledgement of the facts but she makes no moves to speed up her actions, Clarke’s frustration only fuelling the slow pace.

 

Clarke lets out a huff when Lexa’s shirt is two buttons away from being removed. She done waiting, the teasing has only served to increase her arousal. She pulls Lexa in for a kiss, its deep and lustful and everything she needs to distract the brunette. In a matter of seconds, she has Lexa exactly where she wants her, underneath her, shirt wide open. She doesn't give Lexa time to question what she’s doing, moving quickly to silence the brunette with a kiss that says, ‘you were going too slow and I want you now.’

 

She withdraws from the kiss, finger moving much faster than Lexa’s as she works at undoing the brunette’s pants and sliding them off her legs, quickly followed by her underwear. 

 

“Yours too,” it’s a croak of a demand but Clarke complies removing her own jeans, she’s almost tempted to put on a show for Lexa, to shimmy out of them with a sensual sway of the hips but she decides against it, her need to touch Lexa too great even if the thought alone is enough to set her insides on fire. Another time, she thinks.

 

Clarke returns to her position hovering over Lexa, one hand strategically placed for support while the other drifts down Lexa’s body, moving fervently, eager to provide so much needed relief.  

 

It seems Lexa is just as eager, hips jutting up to meet Clarke’s trailing hand. Clarke wants to laugh at the desperation in the movement but she remembers that she’d barely been able to contain herself when Lexa had been removing her shirt with an agonising patience. A patience she’s not ashamed to admit she does not possess.

 

When Clarke reaches where they both want her to be, she offers no warning before she sinks two fingers into Clarke, gradually building her pace up with each thrust of her fingers. Eyes glued to Lexa as she watches each reaction, every emotion played out across her face. She drinks it in, attempts to committed expression, every twitch of the lips to her memory. She never wants to forget how this feels, how _she_ feels in this moment.

 

It doesn't take much longer for Lexa to reach the edge, breaths becoming shorter as she sinks her hips down to meet each thrust. Clarke’s fingers are relentless in their movements only slowing when Lexa’s body tenses and arches into her. She watches as Lexa comes with a strangled moan of her name.

 

The sound of her name is drowned out by the pressing of her lips, it’s a long, deep kiss and Lexa relishes the taste of it.

 

“We should go upstairs, Clarke”

 

It’s barely audible and Clarke doubts she would have heard if she wasn't as close to Lexa’s lips as she is, “We should.”

 

______________

 

Lexa wakes to the unmistakable sound of her phone ringing, her mother’s ringtone. She groans, stretching her hand out and fumbling for her phone. She sits up as straight as she can without disturbing the sleeping blonde beside her, smiling down at her before answering. “Hey, mom”

 

“Don’t ‘hey mom’ me, where are you? I’ve been called at least five times already and Anya isn't answering her phone either.”

 

The worry in her mom’s voice sobers Lexa from sleep induced haze, “I’m sorry mom, I’m okay, I’m with Clarke, we fell asleep watching a movie.”

 

Lexa tunes out the rest of the conversation, making the odd hum here and there until her mother’s bidding goodbye and hanging up.

 

“A movie, huh? That’s not how I remember it.”

 

Lexa almost jumps at the sound of Clarke’s voice, she glances down to confirm that she is indeed awake and she staring right at her, “I was hardly going to give her play by play of what happened last night, besides I distinctly remember a movie at some point.”

 

“Just because there was one playing in the background while I fucked you on the sofa, doesn't mean we watched one.”

 

“Touché.”

 

Clarke curls herself into Lexa and lets herself enjoying the feeling for a little while before disrupting the moment, “You have to go don’t you?”

 

Lexa shrugs, arms tightening around Clarke’s waist and pulling her in closer, “She’s already mad at me, what're ten more minutes?”

 

______________

 


	5. burning so deep that just breathing hurts

“You’ve seriously got to stop doing that,” Lexa grumbles but makes no effort to move her head from its position on Clarke’s lap.

 

Clarke doesn't bother to pretend that she hasn't spent the better part of the last twenty minutes staring at her girlfriend. She had been the one to suggest that the brunette takes a nap to relieve some of the tiredness brought on by the recent onslaught on exams and Lexa had taken full advantage of the offer, dutifully placing herself on Clarke’s bed and resting her head on her preferred pillow. Clarke didn't fight it, simply brought her hand down to run her fingers through her girlfriend's hair, the soothing motion helping her drift off in no time. “Never”

 

Lexa laughs at the determination in Clarke's voice, she knows better than to disagree at this point and she’d be lying if she said she didn't enjoy the fact that Clarke couldn't seem to keep her eyes off her. Lexa shakes her head a little at the thought, turning slight to face Clarke, “Hey,” she greets, eyes blinking at the invasion of new light.

 

“Hey, you feeling any better?” Clarke asks, sweeping the strands of hair out of Lexa’s face and tucking it behind her eyes.

 

“A little,” Lexa replies, eyes closing again as she sinks into Clarke’s touch, “What time is it?”

 

“Just after five, we’ve still got a little while before we have to meet Anya and Raven, if you want to sleep some more?”

 

Lexa almost gives in, eyes fluttering closed before springing back open. She’s not about to waste her time with Clarke by sleeping.

 

_________

 

“We figured you would be late, so we already ordered food. Don't worry I got your favourite, Clarke.”

 

Lexa and Clarke are quick to take their place across from their friends, guilty smiles spreading across their faces and sheepish nods of thanks directed at the pair in front of them. “Sorry we kept you guys waiting,” it’s an apology but it’s not much of one. Clarke can’t find it herself to apologise so profusely when Lexa had been the one responsible for them being late and she’d utterly powerless to stop her girlfriend’s wandering hands and soft kisses.

 

Raven and Anya smirk across from them, their faces telling them they know exactly why they were late, “Don’t sweat it,” Anya shakes off the weak apology and takes a sip of her water.

 

“Okay, now that we’ve arrived, care to tell us why we’re all here?” It’s Lexa that gets straight to the point, she loves spending time with Raven and Anya, she really does they're her friends and she’s pretty sure she wouldn't be as happy as she is with Clarke if it weren't for them but they’d also dragged her out to some run down cafe on a weekday when she’d much rather be snuggled up her girlfriend.

 

“I’m so glad you asked,” Anya replies in a criminally sarcastic tone. Raven is quick to hush her girlfriend, cutting through her sarcasm with a genuine smile.

 

“We have news.”

 

“The suspense is too much,” Clarke gives Lexa a playful shove and nods for Raven to go on.

 

“My unconditional offer came through this morning,” Raven beams unable to control her excitement as Anya watches on with a proud smile.

 

Clarke is the first to react to the news, springing up from her seat to pull her friend in for a tight hug,  “Did you apply for that aerospace engineering course? I know you where you were torn between that and electronic engineering with artificial intelligence.”

 

“Both,” she informs, waiting for Clarke to pull back so she can provide more details, “but I’ve only heard back from Bath so far, and it’s an unconditional so I’ll probably be going with that one, I’d be mad to turn it down they have one of the best aerospace engineering courses in the country.”

 

“You’ll be great,” Anya reassures not caring about the knowing look Lexa throws her way.

 

Raven places a tender kiss on Anya’s cheek and nudges her forward slightly, “Okay, now your turn.”

 

“You got an offer too?” Lexa asks unable to get the surprise out of her voice, Anya hadn't even let slip that she was applying anywhere, at least not to Lexa.

 

“I did,” Anya drawls clearly unfazed by Lexa’s surprised, “I mean it’s a conditional offer so I still have my grades to worry about and it’s no Cambridge but Bristol isn't too shabby and I won’t be that far away from this one,” Anya says looping her arm around Raven’s shoulders

 

“Told you she wouldn't be able to stay away,” Raven smirks, “she even tried to persuade me to apply there because the _‘their course is better’_ ” she does her best to mimic Anya’s voice but if the laughs and annoyed look she receives from Anya are anything to go by she’s done a poor job.

 

“Wait, what are you studying?” Lexa questions intrigued as to which course could have tempted her friend into further study.

 

“Accounting,” Anya deadpans enjoying the Lexa’s jaw goes slack and nose crinkles in surprise.

 

_________

 

“Hey, have you heard back from any universities yet?” 

 

Clarke steps slow as she turns to face Lexa, she had wanted to wait until they had returned home before telling her but it seems that Raven and Anya disclosing their plans had piqued her interest in Clarke’s or rather reminded her that she was in the dark when it came to Clarke’s decision on where she’ll be attending. “I have.”

 

“You have?”

 

“Yeah, I was waiting to break it to my mom first, it’s going to be hard leaving her on her own but I know she’s going to be supportive, she always is.” 

 

Lexa lets Clarke ramble on, she likes Abby, the woman has been nothing but kind to her since their introduction and completely understands Clarke’s reservations about telling her but she had hoped that she wouldn't need to ask for the information, that Clarke would share the news when it came.

 

“I was going to tell you I swear, I only found out this morning and then you looked so tired and who I am to get in the way of a much needed nap? And then you were very good at making me forget with those lips of yours and then I didn't want to overshadow Raven and Anya, you know?”

 

“Clarke,” Lexa whispers effectively cutting off the blonde and letting her catch her breath. The pause allows Lexa to process the information, “So you’ve decided where you’re going?”

 

Clarke nods swallowing the lump in her throat and forcing the words out, “I have”

 

“and?”

 

“Veterinary medicine, in Edinburgh,” Clarke doesn't feel the need to add any more, she can already see Lexa’s mind working, no doubt mentally calculating the distance between them and how often she can fit that journey into her tough class schedule.

 

“That’s going to be one long train journey,” Lexa jokes, smiling when she sees the relief spread across Clarke’s face, she imagines it looks similar to her own reaction when Clarke had told her she was proud of her, “that’s got to at least 300 miles, right?”

 

“351,” Clarke responds automatically, she’d be lying if she said she hadn't already researched the distance, agonised over the feasibility of travelling, of making the distance work.

 

“You’ve already looked it up,” Lexa teases, her smile growing with each passing second.

 

“Of course, I know the average train and flight times as well if want to know those too.” There isn't any hint of humour in Clarke’s eyes as she stares into Lexa’s. She’d been entirely serious when she told Lexa they were in this together, that the distance, no matter how great wouldn’t make her forget about Lexa. There was no forgetting Lexa Woods and Clarke knew that.

 

“I love you and I don’t care how long the train journey is, I’m getting on it and I’ll enjoy every nauseating second of it if it means I get to see you.” Lexa's voice is practically a whisper as she reaches the end of her sentence, the bashful smile tampering with her words.

 

Clarke doesn't even try to contain her smile, “I love you.”

 

_________

 

The last couple of weeks of school are tough, filled with more study sessions than Clarke can count, she’d had to pry herself from Lexa to concentrate fully, their efforts to study together far from productive. Raven had been an absolute godsend, a true hero in the form of expertly crafted flash cards.

 

It’s not until her final exam is over and she’s walking out of the exam hall that it all sinks in. She’s going to leave behind everything, everyone to start afresh in an entirely new place. She scared, obviously but it’s the excited kind, the kind you only feel when you’re about to start a new challenge away from everything you’ve known or when you’re about to kiss the girl you’ve been crushing on for the better part of a year for the very first time.

 

She’s completely distracted by her own thoughts, so much so, that she doesn't even notice the grinning brunette that falls by her side and keeps pace with each of her steps, “How did it go?”

 

Clarke startles a little at the question but quickly regains her composure, catching Lexa’s trailing arm and swinging their joined hands as they walked, “It went okay, I missed one towards the end but I don't think that will matter too much, what about you? Do I even need to ask?”

 

“I finished 20 minutes before the end, I was just waiting for you,” Lexa smirks

 

“Figures”

 _________

 

Clarke was expecting to have to house to herself and she’d already planned to make the most of it, she doesn't stop to think when she pushes Lexa against the closed door and captures her lips. She hears Lexa let out a strangled sound she assumes it’s because of their current positions and such herself further into her girlfriend.

 

It’s not until Lexa is doing her best to push her away, that she actually takes the time to survey their surroundings, namely the all the members of her mother and Lexa’s immediate family standing in her living room, eyes peeled from what they’ve just witnessed. “Mom, you didn't tell me we were having people over,” Clarke directs towards her mother, the embarrassment of being caught, yet again by Lexa’s mother is almost too much to bear.

 

She adjusts herself, giving Lexa some room to manoeuvre and dust herself off.

 

“We thought we’d surprise you, celebrate all your hard work now that all your exam are finished,” Abby pauses giving the pair a pointed look, “but I see now that you had a completely different kind of celebration in mind.”

 

Clarke groans as she feels the heat rush to cheeks, she doesn't think she’ll ever get used to her mother embarrassing her in front of an audience but she lets her have this one, knowing she’ll have fewer opportunities in the near future.

 

Lexa is the first of them to react, stepping forward to greet her parents in a quick hug.

 

Clarke is a little slower in her recovery, greeting her mother with a shake of the head an inquisitive look that she hope accurately conveys the betrayal she feels and the words she so desperately wants to say; ‘why do you always do this to me?’ 

 _________ 

Before they know it August arrives and with it the preparation for University. They both quietly go about gathering the things they need for the move but neither of them mentions the inevitable.

 

The summer is a whirlwind of declarations and kisses, the pair rarely separating from each other. They go to collect their results together, grades confirming what they already knew.

 

Results day was probably the only time Lexa will see Anya openly squeal with an audience, her smile unrivalled among the other ecstatic students. Lexa doesn't need to ask to know that she’s got what she need to meet the criteria of her conditional offer. She just watches on as Raven squeals and jumps into her girlfriend’s arms.

 

It’s not until the four meet up for celebratory drinks later that she gets to tell Anya just how proud she is of her. 

 

_________

 

“You leave in a week,” It’s not a question, more like Clarke is finally admitting it to herself, voicing it out loud for the first time.

 

“7 days,” Lexa hums in confirmation, arms tightening around the blonde’s waist as her girlfriend lays on her chest.

 

“Are you excited?”

 

“Kind of, I’m not excited about leaving you, though,” Lexa admits placing a soft kiss on Clarke’s forehead, “I’m going to miss you.”

 

Clarke buries herself further into Lexa, eyes drifting shut as she speaks, “To think none of this would have happened if Anya hadn't persuaded you to go on that trip.”

 

“Don’t encourage her, she’s already called dibs on our first born on the grounds that ‘they would not exist without her.’ She’s probably going to want a middle name in tribute or something,” Lexa laughs as she recalls her previous conversations with Anya.

“And just how many kids are we having?” Clarke chuckles

 

“Three,” Lexa answers surely, leaving no room to negotiate.

 

Clarke mulls it over, exaggerating the hum as she pretends to internally debate the number, “I think I can get on board with that.”

 

“Good.” 

 

_________

 

“Anya, we won’t even be that far apart,” Lexa chuckles, playfully rolling her eyes at the rare display of affection, “and I don’t leave for another four days.”

 

“So, Clarke’s not the only one that’s going to miss you,” Anya huffs out.

 

“I’ll miss you too,” Lexa concedes, wrapping Anya in a warm hug.

 _________

 

“Honestly, Raven you’re worse than my mom,” Clarke couldn't help but laugh with the ammunition her friend was providing.

 

“I have no idea, what you’re talking about, Griffin,” Raven defends, wiping her wet cheeks with the palm of her hand.

 

“You’re crying,” Clarke pointed out, waving her hand in the direction of Raven tear-stained cheeks.

 

 _“You’re crying,”_ Raven let out a watery laugh as she took in her friend’s dishevelled appearance. They were both as bad as each other when it came to goodbyes.

 

Clarke embraces her friend, holding on for much longer than necessary but this is the last Reyes hug she’s going to get for a while. “Promise me you’ll call.”

 

“Daily,” she promises, “you’ll be sick of me before long.”

 

“Impossible.”

 _________

 

 

“Two days to go,” Lexa sighs.

 

Clarke has her arms wrapped around the brunette’s neck, fingers toying with the hairs at the back of her neck, “I’ve been counting down the days,” Clarke replies as he rests her head against Lexa’s.

 

“Counting down the days, huh? Eager to get rid of me?” Lexa jokes, a smile making its way onto her face but it doesn't reach her eyes the way it usually does.

 

“Hardly,” Clarke breathes against Lexa's lips

 

“I’ve been thinking,” Lexa drawls out, her tone lighter than perhaps this conversation requires.

 

“Do tell,” Clarke fires back, smirking at the feel of her girlfriend’s strong hands stroking their way down her back on landing on her ass.

 

Lexa’s smirk grows devious at the sound of Clarke’s challenge, “That maybe I should give you something to really remember me by?”

 

“Sounds… Intriguing. What did you have in mind?” Her voice going up an octave when she feels Lexa’s abnormally cold hands slip beneath her shirt and unhook her bra.

 

“So many things,” Is the only response Clarke gets before her shirt is whisked away and any further questions are forgotten about.

 

It’s the first time that Lexa has really been in total control, Clarke on the back foot. She lets Lexa have everything she wants, their movements slow and calculated, Lexa takes her time, savours each reaction her ministrations garner, she kisses every inch of Clarke’s skin, cherishes the sensation of her lips pressed against it. She keeps her gaze locked with Clarke’s, her eyes shrouded with emotion. 

 

It’s intense and calming all at once.

 _________

 

Lexa’s due to set off first, four days before Clarke has to leave due to her course starting slightly earlier than Clarke’s, she’s been packed for days. She excited for the new chapter of her life, exhilarated by the prospect of learning new things and studying at the university of her dreams.

 

Saying goodbye to her friends and family had been difficult and she really wasn't expecting her mother to cry, it’s not like they weren't going to see each other again, at least that’s what she whisper as she tried to soothe her mother (it didn't work.)

 

She’s left saying goodbye to Clarke on the list of her to-do list. 

 

Praiseworthy in the efforts she’d gone to keep the blonde at arm's length until the last minute. She needed her goodbye to be quick or there wouldn't be one at all. They’ve already got their first Skype date planned and even though they haven’t parted yet, Lexa’s already looking forward to seeing her beautiful girlfriend’s face.

 

She knocks lightly on the door and doesn't have to wait long before it’s pulled open and her arms are struggling to catch the girl. 

 

Clarke throws herself forward, not caring about the strength of her impact, if this the last time she is going to be able to hug her girlfriend for a month or so, she’s going to make the most of it. She grips on Lexa, surprising herself with her own strength, “I’ve been expecting you,” Clarke breathes out, face buried in her girlfriend’s neck.

 

Lexa wraps her arms around the other girl's waist, committing the feel to her memory, “I know”

 

“How long have I got you for?” Clarke asks, reluctant to put a definite number on the time they have left together.

 

“Ten minutes?”

 

Now Clarke really regrets asking, thought there was a little more time left than that. She pulls Lexa inside, keeps her close unwilling to release her hold on the other girl, “I guess we better make the most of it,” she says, the croak of her voice betraying her words.

 

Lexa wastes no time in moving her arms from around Clarke’s waist and cupping Clarke’s face with her free hands, “Hey,” she coos, sweeping her thumb to catch a stray tear falling on Clarke’s cheek, “We promised no tears.”

 

“I know,” Clarke nods but it does nothing to stop the onslaught of tears that are threatening to spill. She does her best to keep it together, she rather her last memories of the two of them being together wasn't ruined by her being a sobbing mess.

 

They stand, wordlessly embraced in the comfort of Clarke’s home clinging to each other with everything they’ve got. The minutes seem to fly by, Clarke had barely registered the five-minute mark when Lexa’s phone alerts them that she really should be on her way.

 

“This is even harder than I thought it would be,” Lexa comments, the emotion clear in her voice and her unsteady feet. It takes every ounce of her will to pull back from Clarke’s touch, she takes a step back, her will cracking at the sight of her teary-eyed girlfriend.

 

She surges forward catching the blonde’s lips with her own. The kiss is messy, inconvenienced by stained cheeks and underlying sadness but Lexa puts everything she has into that kiss, pours in every drop of love she feels for the girl, every thought of ‘god I’m really going to miss you, christ I miss you already.’ 

 

When she pulls back Clarke’s tears have all but stopped, her lips parted as she tries to catch her breath. She dips her head forward to rest it against her girlfriends, “We’re in this together, right?”

 

“Always.”


	6. This Fire is Never Burning Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little longer than I intended (and has some unintentional angst) but I hope you enjoy it.

So far the first year had been tough for Lexa, it had been particularly hard for her to adjust to life away from all her friends and family and the course workload was intense, even by her standards. She soon discovered that she was no longer automatically the smartest person in the room.

The first couple of months have also been fairly rough on her relationship with Clarke, the distance putting a strain on things as they found it difficult to navigate their hectic schedules in order to make time for each.

 

Lexa’s feelings towards Clarke haven't deteriorated, if anything the distance has made her realise the extent of them but even that doesn't shake her frustration at the lack of time they've been spending together lately.

 

The Skype date had been Clarke’s idea, a way to connect even if it was just through a screen and Lexa jumped at the chance, agreeing before her girlfriend had even finished explaining the times that worked for her.

 

Lexa forgets, of course, she does, she loses herself in her research for her upcoming essay, she’d only gone to the library to check out one book but before she knew what was happening, two and half hours had passed and Clarke has been left waiting for nearly two of those.

 

Clarke thinks about declining the call when she sees Lexa’s name flash on the screen, she’s angry, unbelievably so and doesn't want to say anything she might regret later on when she has a clear head and time to reflect. In the need the desire to hear her girlfriend’s voice gets the better of her because even when she’s mad she wants to hear it, she wants to imagine to twists and turns of Lexa’s features as they talk. “Hey,” she greets as she answers the call and places the phone to her ear, not nearly as cheerful as usual but she figures Lexa will cut her slack given she’d spent the better part of two hours patiently waiting at her computer for a Skype call that never came.

 

“You answered. God, I didn't think you’d answer,” Lexa lets out an audible sound of relief as Clarke’s voice reaches her ears, “I’m so sorry, Clarke. I was in library and I just lost track of time-”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke interrupts because she gets it. She knows what the pressure to succeed is like, she knows just how demanding each course can be but at the same time it hurts to be pushed aside, to be ousted be a library of all things, “I understand, I was just excited to spend some time together. Since we’ve both been busy lately.”

 

“You’re mad,” Lexa states, she can hear it Clarke’s voice and she doesn't blame her, she’d be mad too if the situation were reversed.

 

“I am,” Clarke doesn't see the point in lying about it, she’s not about to pretend like everything is okay when it’s not, “This is the third time this month that you’ve skipped out on something that we have planned, Lex.” Her tone is soft but words themselves pull enough punches to get her point across. To let her girlfriend know she’s struggling with how things are.

 

Lexa doesn't seem to get the message in its entirety because she definitely hasn't abandoned their plans that often, “Three times?” she asks to make sure she’s heard that right.

 

“Yes, three times,” Clarke repeats, annoyed that Lexa doesn't seem to remember the number of time she’s been left waiting, “that’s just this month,” she states taking a breath before she continues. She more than willing to offer a reminder of the plans she’s pushed aside for other things. “There’s this Skype call, obviously, and there was last week when you were supposed to call after your lecture but that slipped your mind, Anya and Raven were very disappointed about that by the way, they’d been looking forward to it. Then there was the week before that when we’d planned to meet up, I was going to get the train down but you said you didn't think you’d be able to make it work since you’d just been given something new to work on and you needed the weekend for that.” Clarke’s tone takes on a harsh hint of hurt as she explains each one.

 

Lexa recoils at Clarke words, she’d been sure that Clarke was exaggerating but when she hears the hurt in her voice she knows she hasn't been trying hard enough, she’s let Clarke slip down on her list of priorities and she hadn't even realised. “Clarke, I’m so-”

 

Her apologies are once again interrupted by Clarke. She doesn't need a handful of ‘sorrys’ even if they are said with the level of sincerity of Lexa’s. She needs reassurance, she needs to know that Lexa is still in this, that she’s still committed, that they're still in this together. It hasn't felt like that recently, “Lex, you don't have to apologise, like I said I get it, the work is important and I’m not saying that I should automatically win when you have to make a decision between the two, but, you can’t expect me to just drop everything when you have a free minute and then count on me forgiving you every time you bail, it’s not fair.” Clarke has to choke back the tears as she nears the end of her sentence, she misses Lexa more than anything and the distance has been harder that she’d initially envisioned, “The commitment has to go both ways, together, remember?” That just about does it for Clarke. no longer able to keep the tears a bay.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa utters once more because apparently, that’s the only word she can conjure from her extensive vocabulary. This phone call has taken a completely different turn and if she wasn't so heartbroken but the sound of Clarke crying on the other the end, she’d probably regret making the call in public. She’s never been a fan of crying in front of strangers or the way their eyes seem intent on figuring out the minor details of her conversation. “I’m still in this, I have no doubts about that, about you, about us. I have absolutely no doubts. I love you.”

 

Clarke lets her eyes close, lets the words wash over here, stores them away. It’s what she’d hoped Lexa would say, the kind of thing she needs to hear right now but it doesn't have the desired effect, she still needs some time, “I know, I love you too, so much, but what if that’s not enough?” Clarke asks in a whisper, it's something she’s been thinking about in the hours that Lexa has left to stew, what if what they had isn't enough to make it through their time apart? What if the distance was too much?

 

“You’re always enough,” Lexa replies, sure. She wishes she’d paid closer attention to have Clarke was feeling because she needs her to know just how much Lexa wants her, that she’s more than enough, no matter how far apart they are.

 

Clarke keeps her eyes closed as she listens to Lexa, it’s the kind of soft certainty that she’s come to associate when her girlfriend, “I think I just… I just… can I call you back? I just need some time.”

 

The words were hard for Lexa to hear, harder to accept but she imagines that they were just as difficult to say so she lets Clarke go but not before she reminds her of the only thing that matters to her right now, in this moment, “I love you.”

 

Clarke’s response is strangled but no less true, “I love you too.” With that she flops back on her bed and laments the fact her best friend is also miles away, Raven would know exactly what to do to make her feel better.

 

Lexa may have Lexa go with minimal protest but she has absolutely no intention of waiting until tomorrow for her girlfriend to call again. She quickly searches to see if there are any last minute seats available on the train and doesn't bat an eyelid at the price when she sees that they only have first class tickets left, she can worry about that later. She doesn't really have time to pack, simply grabbing a few necessity before she’s on route to the train station.

 

The train isn't as uncomfortable as Lexa had pictured but she hadn't imagined that she would be shelling out for a first class ticket. A worthwhile expense if she can resolve her issues with Clarke.

 

It’s just after 11 pm when Lexa finally arrives at her destination and grabs a taxi to Clarke’s student accommodation. When she standing at the door, she briefly doubts the logistics of her plan, what if Clarke is already asleep? What if she’s not in? She pushes those thoughts and raises her hand to knock. She’s already here now and there's nothing she can do about that, and she also hadn't really thought about where she would spend the night, so she really needs Clarke to be in.

 

She waits about thirty seconds but when she hears no signs of moment inside, she knocks again with a little bit more force behind the tapping of each fist, stopping when she registers the sound of someone marching towards the door, clearly displeased at being disturbed.

 

“Just hang on one second,” she hears her girlfriend huff out. A smile creeping onto her face when the door handle is pushed down and Clarke is standing there in her pyjamas and looking at her with sleep crusted eyes.

 

“Hey,” Lexa says casually as if this was just another visit and Clarke had been expecting her.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke blinks in surprise, reaching out to touch her to make sure she’s not seeing things, that she hasn't somehow managed to manifest her girlfriend, “You’re here, wait how did you get here?”

 

“Got the train last minute,” Lexa informs Clarke. Not wanting to waste any more time with words she pulls Clarke in for a hug. She holds on tight as her arms wrap around Clarke, “I needed to see you,” she says, the words whispers against Clarke’s ear.

 

Clarke is still dazed by the surprise when she walks them back into her room, shutting the door behind them. She keeps her hold on Lexa with each step, not quite believing that she’s here and not willing to let her go, “You’re here.”

 

“I am,” Lexa nods as best she can with her head is tucked in against Clarke’s next.

 

Clarke comes to stop when they reach her unmade bed. She wordlessly lays down, pulling Lexa down with her. They have a lot to talk about but right no she really just wants to cuddle with her girlfriend, it feels like it's been forever since she’s been held by those strong arms and her body craves it.

 

The day had been exhausting for them both, Clarke looked visibly worn out and for a second she allowed her eyes to flutter closed, her head resting against Lexa’s as she lets out a content sigh, shuffling further into her girlfriend’s embrace.

 

Lexa can see how tired Clarke is and she pushed down the string of apologies that sit on her lips, the promises to do better, to try more, to prove how committed she is. She tucks a stray strand of hair behind Clarke’s ear and places a tender kiss on her forehead, “Sleep,” she says feeling her own tiredness overtake her muscles, “I’ll still be here in the morning,” she promises.

 

When Clarke wakes up, she’s relieved to feel the unmistakable hold of Lexa and the soft press of a kiss to her cheek. She’d half expect to wake up alone and discover that Lexa showing up last night had all been a figment of her imagination. “You got on a train last night after our call.”

 

It’s not a question because Clarke can clearly see her and that’s obviously what happened but Lexa answers anyway, “I did,” she confirms

 

Clarke studies her for second and resists the urge to kiss her. As much as she wants to they need to talk and it’s a relief to be able to do it face to face for a change,“Why?”

 

Lexa is less reluctant to hold back on the kiss, her lips once again pressing against Clarke’s forehead, “I missed you, I needed you to know that I’m committed, that I never been more committed to anything and I just… I needed you to be able to look at me when I said it, and really look at me, so you’d know for sure.”

 

Clarke doesn't hold back this time as she surges forward to capture Lexa’s lips, passionate and overflowing with emotion. “How long have I got you for?” Clarke asks when she pulls back.

 

“For as long as you’ll have me.”

  
Lexa makes a point of being more careful with her schedule, declining invites to go out with her flatmates in order to spend more time with Clarke. They get better at fitting each other in and moving things around so they can visit each other when the longing becomes too much to bear.

**_________**

 

“You’re coming home for Christmas, right?”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes at Anya, like there's even a small possibility that she’d stay here for Christmas when she can go home and spend a few glorious weeks with her friends and family. It also gives her the chance to spend some extended time with Clarke, things had settled down in the last month or so, but she’d never turn the chance to spend consecutive days with her girlfriend. “Obviously, like I'd miss the chance to see that face of yours,” she says in sickly sweet that she knows will have Anya groaning in annoyance on the other end.

 

It works like a charm.

 

“I’ve enjoyed this time apart more than you know,” Anya replies but there is no force behind her words and there's a rogue smile playing on her lips.

 

“Well, don't get too use to it, I should be back home tomorrow and you’re stuck with me for like two weeks.”

 

“Please,” Anya scoffs, “you'll be so wrapped up in Clarke that I doubt I’ll even see you.”

 

“Think again,” Lexa laughs, “Clarke already has a double date planned, said it was the easiest way to see both you and Raven.”

_________

 

Lexa’s family is sandwiched in-between studying and her time spent catching up with Clarke, Anya and Raven. Admittedly she spends significantly more time with Clarke than Anya but she’s pretty sure her friend doesn't mind, give that she is as equally wrapped up in Raven.

 

“You know you can’t study the entire time you’re home right,” Clarke says from her place on the bed as she watches Lexa meticulously scribbling away at her desk. The image is strangely reminiscent of the time they’d spent together in school when Clarke would lure her over under the guise of studying together.

 

“Just another half an hour and then you can have me all to yourself,” Lexa promises, her eyes remaining fixed on the work in front of her.

 

Clarke had been expecting a reply of that nature and she’s more than prepared for it, “How about…” she trails off standing up and striding over to her girlfriend, looping her arms over the brunette’s shoulders, “We make this like old times,” she emphasis with a kiss, hoping that Lexa will catch on fairly quickly. “I ask you questions and if you get them right you’ll get a reward.”

 

“I can get onboard with that,” Lexa says, caving at the feeling of Clarke’s lips against her neck, she gradually stands, turning in Clarke’s arms. She effortlessly bends down and clothes Clarke’s thighs, lifting her up and smirking when she hears her girlfriend gasp.

 

Clarke wraps her legs around Lexa’s waist as she walks them back towards Clarke’s bed, “I haven't asked you any questions yet,” she says because this definitely not how she remembers their little study game going, back then she’d been more persuasive in her techniques and Lexa had held out for a lot longer, only crumbling after some serious effort on Clarke’s part.

 

Lexa smiles at Clarke’s bewilderment, pressing their forehands together, “Kiss me anyway.”

_________

 

They end up spending Christmas Day together, Abby offering to host for everyone was just too good to turn down. It the first Christmas in a long time that Clarke remembers her mother smiling this much and it feels good.

 

She can't shake the feeling that there will be many more Christmas days like this. Days when she gets to wake up next to Lexa and watch her lips turn upward into a beaming smile when she opens her gifts. Shamelessly kisses her in front of their parents when they end up under some strategically placed mistletoe.

 

New years is bittersweet, on the one hand, they each have someone to kiss at midnight, a reminder of what they have to look forward to for the coming year and each one that follows but the date also serves as a reminder for their encroaching departure.

 

There are fewer tears this time around but it doesn't make the parting any easier.

 

“I’ll come visit as soon as the January exams are over,” Clarke promises, a subtle countdown for the next time they’ll be able to hold each like they are now, “Just a few weeks.”

 

“It feels like longer.”

 

_It really does._

_________

 

“Don’t forget my daily updates,” Abby nudges as she hugs her daughter tightly.

 

Clarke laughs, knowing just how serious her mother is, she’d been providing regular updates throughout her year, calling even when there was nothing new going on. “You’re already pencilled in.”

 

“That goes for you too,” Abby says pulling back and pointing her finger at Lexa.

 

Lexa shakes her head but offers no protests, allowing herself to be pulled into a hug. It’s the kind of hug she has become accustomed to, Abby had always been welcoming and she’s not about to deny her this small request.

_________

 

Clarke is well into her second year when she gets a phone call from Raven, the panic clear as day. “Raven, You’re reading too much into this,” she says trying to calm her down.

 

“I don’t think I am, Clarke. She’s been acting weird, distant, even. Oh god, what if she’d like trying to break up with me or something and this is her way of easing me into life without her.”

 

Clarke tries to stop the laugh from escaping, she really does, but honestly Raven sounds ridiculous right now and she’s going to tell her just that. “Raven, stop. She’s not going to break up with you, she loves you.” The words she to do the trick for Raven as Clarke hears her let out a calming breath.

 

“Yeah, she does,” She concedes smiling a little.

 

Clarke encourages Raven to tell her a little about the stuff she’s been working on and in return she fills her friend in on her studies. They’ve been talking for well over an hour when she tells Raven she has to go because Lexa’s train should be getting in any minute and she’s totally supposed to picking her up from the train station.

_________

 

“Anya, I can’t believe you haven't asked yet, we bought that ring like a month ago, what are you waiting for?” Lexa signs, she’d half expected this call to be the one that finally informs her that she’s gone through with it and just asked Raven already.

 

They’d worked together to find an affordable ring for Anya, Lexa had even suggested that maybe she should wait until they've both finished their degrees and they’ve settled into something that can be classed as ‘adult’ but Anya had brushed her off, “what’s the point in waiting, yeah I could spend the next year or more agonising over wanting to do it or I could just do it now,” she said and Lexa hadn't put up much an argument after that.

 

“I know. Tonight is the night, I have it all planned out. She’s going to say yes, though, it’s so romantic I want to marry myself.”

 

“And those plans are…” Lexa asks, she’d be lying if she said she wasn't curious about how Anya had mapped it all out, especially since she’s done nothing but brag about how good her whole set-up is.

 

“Top secret, I’m afraid.”

 

“Fine. Don’t tell me, Raven will no doubt give all the gross details to Clarke later on anyway and we both know that Clarke tells me everything. I’ll find out.”

 

“Yeah but I like making you wait,” Anya laughs at the slight huff she hears on the other end.

_________

 

“You have to tell Anya to get her shit together,” Is the first thing she says after a particularly heated greeting kiss.

 

Lexa huffs out a laugh, not even remotely surprised that the first words out of Clarke’s mouth are about her best friend. “I know right. She called while I was on the train, she said she was going to do it tonight, has this big thing planned but apparently the details are too precious to share. She’s treating like some covert spy mission.”

 

Clarke smiles as she pictures a nervous Anya down on one knee, “It’s about time, I swear I thought I was going to have to tell Raven what was going on just she’d stop with this ridiculous notion that they were breaking up or something.”

 

“Do you think she’ll say yes?” Lexa asks as she takes Clarke’s hand in hers. Marginally concerned that Anya will be shut down, she has no doubts about the how they feel for each other, but even still, it’s a big step.

 

She gives Lexa’s hand a squeeze and laces their fingers together, “Honestly? I’m surprised Raven hasn't asked her already. I know they’re young but when Raven knows what she wants she goes for it, all in and Anya’s no different.”

 

A little while later when Clarke is snuggled together with Lexa, they’re startled by the simultaneous chiming of their phones. Clarke lifts herself from Lexa, she knows exactly what that message is about.

 

When she unlocks her phone she’s not surprised to see a photo of Raven and Anya, with broad smiles, twinkling eyes and the unmistakable sight of Raven with a ring on her finger. The photo is quickly followed by two texts explaining that her friend said yes (obviously) and how indescribably overjoyed she is. The other is a little less ecstatic as she goes on the detail the treacherous nature of Clarke’s decision to tell her what was going on.

 

When Lexa unlocks her phone her eyes fall on the same picture and she can’t help the wide smile that it elicits. Even the follow-up picture of Anya on her own looking very smug but undeniable thrilled accompanied by the caption ‘I told you so’ doesn't stop the warm fuzzy feeling she gets.

 

 **Anya:** I finally beat you at something, Woods.

 

Lexa laughs at the text and shakes at the questioning look she receives from Clarke. She figures she’ll let Anya have this one (but not for too long).

 

_________

 

Lexa’s final year of her four-year course is by far the toughest, the already impossible workload somehow manages to grow but she perseveres with late night study session and pulls more than one all-nighter to compensate.

 

It pays off, she keeps a steady stream of consistency when it comes to her grades and successful manages to juggle her commitments, all without breaking a single promise to Clarke. The distance doesn't get any easier, especially when neither have the required funds or the time to make a spontaneous trip to see each other but they make it work. They’d long since figured out how to comprise and still make the most of their time together.

 

Although, she's going to relish the entirety of next year when the distance is no longer a factor and they won’t be miles apart. She hasn't exactly told Clarke what her plans are after graduation but she doesn't think her girlfriend will mind when she tells her that she just been accepted on MSc degree programme in advanced chemical engineering in Edinburgh and that they’ll be together for Clarke’s final year.

 

Her graduation get together is a fairly subdued affair, Clarke making the trip down for the celebration, not that she was likely to miss it.

 

“Have I told you how proud I am of you, yet?” Clarke asks as she wraps an arm around Lexa’s waist and guides them away from the small crowd of family and friends.

 

“Yes,” Lexa replies. She’s lost count of the number of time she’s heard that from her numerous family members over the past couple of days but it always means something more when it comes from Clarke, it's genuine, contains nothing but immense pride and Lexa has to bite her lip to stop another aching smile from forming, “But I like hearing you say it.”

 

Clarke halts their small idle steps and rotates so she’s standing in front of her girlfriend, “I’m proud of you,” Clarke repeats each word with a kiss to Lexa’s lips, “and this robe?” she breathes out, pulling on the lapels, “Is definitely working for me.”

 

Lexa doesn't miss the way Clarke tone drops to a suggestive whisper, “Is that so?”

 

She’s never been one to deny Clarke what she wants.

 

Clarke sinks her teeth into her lip and gives a small nod in response.

 

They leave the celebration hand in hand and with a few knowing looks exchanged.

 

_________

 

“You’re never going to stop doing that, are you?” Lexa asks when she feels the familiar weight of her girlfriends stare even in her drowsy state.

 

Clarke breathes out a chuckle that closely translates to no, “Like you want me to.”

 

This is the moment, Lexa thinks. Maybe there won’t be a better moment than right now, her fingers inch for the ring she’d bought six months ago. Maybe this is as well executed as Anya’s well-orchestrated (and admittedly romantic) proposal but it’s still everything that Lexa had pictured. It's never been about some big scale event, it's about a feeling, _this feeling._

 

“Marry me,” She blurts out, her words aren't as smooth as she’d intended, her voice still muffled by sleep but when Clarke’s eyes snap up towards hers, she’s not sure it makes a difference.

 

“What?” Clarke asks because she’s not sure she’s heard that right.

 

Lexa sits up, resting on her elbows, “Marry me,” she repeats, a smile stretching across her lips. She’s upon her feet in a flash, dashing across the room the grab the ring she knows is resting in the same jacket pocket that it’s been in for months. She’s somewhat awkward in her attempts to shuffle onto one knee, presenting the ring to Clarke, “I love you more than anything,” she’d had an entire speech prepared, edited throughout the months of waiting but apparently her brain was going solo on this one, deviating from the script and settling on just that, “Clarke Elizabeth Griffin will you marry me?”

 

Before Lexa even has the chance to blink, Clarke is pulling her to her feet and pulling her is for a brushing kiss, “Is that a yes?”

 

“Of course it’s a yes,” she says before pulling her in for another kiss


End file.
